But I was also reminded every day that no one was around to save my dad. If I had been a medic back then, would I have been able to keep him alive? If I had been there, if I had gotten to him fast enough, would he still be here?
Four years in the Army didn’t do anything to squash those thoughts.
When my time was up, I moved back home and tried to reemerge myself in the Bradberry way of life, but it was no use. I was no longer the same person who left Bradberry four years earlier. I was now the guy who came home twice a year to see my mom through the difficult days: the anniversary of my father’s death and Christmas. Other than that, I managed to stay far away from the small town I used to call home.
By the time November third rolled around again, I had been home for six months. I took my mom to the cemetery to honor my father’s five years in the ground and then we went home.
She barely spoke two words to me on the way home. When we walked through the front door, she went straight to the kitchen and sat down at the table.
I followed her, sure that she wanted me to. I sat beside her and looked at her gently. Despite my lack of patience with our annual visits, I knew my mom was fragile and that it was my job to take care of her. With my dad gone, I was the only person she had left.
“This came in the mail for you,” my mom said with a faint smile. She pushed a thin envelope across the table toward me. “I didn’t know you applied again.”
I looked down at the envelope and saw the UConn School of Medicine symbol on the top left-hand corner. My heart skipped a beat as I looked back at my mom. She was right, I hadn’t told her I applied to medical school for the second time. I wasn’t sure how she would take the news of me leaving again, but when I saw her face, she was smiling at me.
“I was going to tell you,” I said. “I just…?
?
I trailed off and a small silence reigned until she broke it.
“It’s okay,” she said. “Just open it.”
“Okay.” I nodded and took a deep breath. Sliding my finger under the lip of the envelope, I felt like my entire life was either about to begin or end. I didn’t know which, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to find out.
When I tore open the envelope I automatically reached inside and grabbed the piece of paper. It was just one piece, small and folded in three. I unfolded it and laid it flat on the table, my eyes scanning the words quickly.
It took a few seconds for me to process what I read.
Dear Mr. Murphy,
Thank you for your application, we are happy to inform you…
Once I did, I looked at my mom with a wide smile and nodded silently.
Mom squealed and jumped to her feet. She ran around the table and threw her arms around me.
“Oh honey!” she cried. “I’m so proud of you! You’re going to be a doctor!”
“I guess it’s official now,” I said softly. “I’m going to med school.”
My mom squealed with delight and let go of my neck. She smoothed down my hair and looked at me with her eyes full of tears. She hadn’t cried at the cemetery that day, but seeing my acceptance letter to medical school was enough to send her over the edge. The tears spilled down her cheeks and she closed her eyes for a minute. With her hand to her chest, she breathed slowly and I knew exactly what she was thinking.
“He would be so proud of you,” she said as she opened her eyes again. I didn’t want to talk about my father in that moment, I just wanted to be happy.
“Thanks,” I said shortly, looking away from her. I focused my attention on the letter and smiled.
“When do classes start?” My mom asked. “Does it say?”
“No,” I shook my head. “They’re sending a larger package in the next few days with all the details. It’ll have the course catalogue and the dates of when I can sign up for classes online.”
“Oh, this is just so exciting!” she said. “We’re going to have a real doctor in the family!”
I smiled and watched her excitement build. She raced around the kitchen, grabbing her cellphone. I knew she couldn’t resist calling all the neighbors and filling them in on the good news. In a town like Bradberry, everybody knew everyone’s business the minute it happened. I was surprised she waited a whole ten minutes before sending up the flare.
I knew she was just proud of me and that she wanted to brag, but it was still slightly embarrassing. After all, when I enlisted in the Army, she didn’t rush out to tell all her friends. She didn’t really do anything but stare at me blankly while I repeated myself twelve times.
When she finally registered my words, she was overcome with so much emotion that she didn’t speak to me for a week. It wasn’t until my last day at home that she hugged me and told me that she understood. She whispered that she loved me and that was it. I walked out the door and we never discussed my decision again.