I attempted to open several packets of sweetener all at once, but with too much force. They spilled all over the counter and I swore again.
“Rough day?” Tessa asked, standing beside me with her own coffee mug.
“You think?” I said, reaching for more sweetener. I opened them carefully this time and poured them into my cup. I searched the table for the coffee creamer, seeing that they were beside Tessa. “Hand me a pack of creamer, will you?”
She silently reached for a packet of cream and held it out to me. I took it from her hand, my fingertips brushing against her palm and reminding me once again how soft and delicious her skin was—stop thinking. Focus on the coffee.
I clenched my jaw and turned away from her, carefully opening the creamer and pouring it into my coffee as well. Grabbing a plastic spoon, I began to stir, watching the black liquid lighten to rich brown.
I set the spoon down and picked up my cup, realizing I suddenly didn’t know what to do or where to go. Tessa was still staring at me, and I so desperately wanted to meet her gaze. But I was afraid of the feelings those bright blue eyes would inspire in me. I was already feeling so down—so broken—that I knew it would be all too easy to seek comfort in her.
I rubbed my temples, feeling a headache forming.
Tessa cleared her throat, the sound startlingly loud in the silence of the room. “Excuse me, Evan.”
Finally, I looked up at her. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a slick ponytail, which intensified her stunning beauty. Her face was makeup-free, but still flawless thanks to her smooth and unblemished skin. And despite the obvious tension in the way she held her mouth, her lips still looked so soft and kissable.
I wanted her.
Every bit of that delicious skin.
She blinked at me, and I realized she had asked me to move over; she wanted to make herself some coffee, but I was blocking the counter.
“Oh, sorry,” I said, stepping aside.
Tessa poured hot water into her cup, and I realized she was actually making tea rather than coffee. I turned away and headed to the bench-seat in the corner of the room.
I took a long slow sip of the coffee while absentmindedly listening to the sounds of Tessa preparing her tea. In the forefront of my mind though, was Sarah. Just the mere thought of her brought a sting to my eyes. I blinked rapidly, threatening the moisture in my eyes to go away just as I had been for hours on end. I wouldn’t dare let those tears fall; I’d shed more than a lifetime’s worth of tears in my childhood already. All I could do was hope I hadn’t condemned Sarah to a similar fate.
Hell—it was those experiences that led me to the military in the first place. Unstable home environments could really mess with a kid’s head. And when a kid felt vulnerable, it was often far too easy for other kids to pick up on it. And needless to say, kids could be pretty damn cruel.
Sometim
es in my nightmares, I still heard the taunts of jeers of my childhood tormentors. They used to call me every derogatory name in the book that revolved around questioning my manhood (or boyhood back then). Even worse, I never had the energy to fight back in those days. Spending the majority of my evenings fighting and defending myself from the revolving door of adults supposedly taking care of me often left me listless by morning when it was time to face other children. Assholes.
By the time I was a teenager, I decided that I needed toughening up. I joined the military the first chance I got. But not even the military could fully erase the hurt little boy that still resided inside of me. He was the reason I always felt reluctant to get close to anyone. He was the reason I had such severe trust issues. He was the one who lashed out and pushed people away whenever someone happened to catch my attention and draw me in. He wanted to protect me because in his experience, getting close to others only resulted in getting hurt.
Hopefully Sarah didn’t turn out the same way.
“I thought I was shaken up, but not nearly as much as you.”
I jumped at the sound of Tessa’s voice, as well as her nearness. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even realized her joining me on the bench. She sat beside me, her legs crossed and holding a steaming hot cup of tea to her chest.
Earlier that day, I had purposely ignored her and easily noted her irritation despite her efforts to hide it. But now, her expression toward me was soft and gentle. She took a sip of her tea and then stared at her lap. “So, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“I wish I was back on the night shift, that’s all. It’s easier. No kids.”
Tessa nodded and took another sip of her tea. “Working the night shift prevents you from encountering more cases like Sarah’s.”
I gripped my coffee mug tightly, not caring how it burned my hands.
“Why are you so affected?” Tessa asked.
“What do you mean?” I said, feigning ignorance.