Whatever the case was, Ava needed to face it. On the slim chance that she was emotionally intelligent and hyper-aware twenty-two-year-old, she needed to admit her own faults. She needed to admit that she had more control than she did. She also needed to come to terms with the fact that her parents only had control over her because she allowed them to. In her mind’s eye, she had no other choice. She could either go home and deal with the abuse of her family, or she could run until they beckoned for her.
And as long as she went running back to them, they would continue to beckon for her.
I watched the young woman as she cranked up her car. Her dimly-lit eyes lifted toward her rearview mirror, then she pulled away from the cabin. I went and stood on the porch, watching her car recede down the driveway. With every inch she drove, I felt the cabin grow lonelier. I felt a light fade away from the inside of my home that hadn’t been there in a very long time. How the fuck was that possible? How could a young woman with her kind of disposition bring that type of warmth into a place?
I shrugged off the notion as I grabbed my coat and headed into the woods.
I walked whenever I needed to get my mind off things and having Ava in my cabin kicked up painful memories. Just seeing a woman lying by a fire drew up within me a carnal desire I had left sedated for years. Her body had been sprawled out underneath those covers trying to get warm while her hair called out to my fingertips. The soft and supple curves the blankets dipped into on her body caused my mind to swirl the other night. It had been years since I’d felt the velvety soft skin of a woman against my body. Warming my aching muscles and drenching my dry bones with her succulent fluids.
Just having her musky scent fill up my living room all night brought back swirling memories. Memories of when I was happy and ignorant. Memories of whisking myself away with the woman I loved. The ground was squishing beneath my feet, drenched from the rainstorm and unable to keep its own composure.
Lana loved the rain. Thunderstorms and lightning and torrential downpours. The louder it was, the more peaceful it was to her. It was like she fed off the drama of it all, and that should’ve been my first cue.
My first cue that she would’ve left me where I stood.
I walked through the woods and took in the scent of it all. The deeper I breathed, the more the scent changed. It morphed into lilac and lavender, the smell of Lana’s hair whenever she laid down next to me. I could still smell the tingling electricity that had battered the mountain top last night. I could smell the wet dirt underneath my boots morph into the smell of Lana’s skin. The smell that would encompass her when my tongue explored her body.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought she would’ve left me at the altar.
I clenched my fists as I thought about it. I stepped into the wild meadow a mile outside of my cabin and I paused. My body slowly burned with anger. I gave that woman everything. I took her to every place she could’ve ever dreamed and bought her every dress she could’ve ever wanted. I cherished her body every night and drew her from her dreams every morning with my cock between her legs. She sank her teeth into my heart and drew me into her gravitational pull.
Then she left me at the altar to starve without her soul.
Maybe that was why it was hard watching Ava leave. It had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with Lana. The love of my life left me standing at the altar, and I had walked outside just in time to watch her get into our limo and leave. I could still remember the trail of her veil as it got slammed in the car door as the limo driver took off. Taking her fuck-knows-where.
I hadn’t seen Lana since that day. Since she left the wedding, she had planned to go live another life elsewhere.
I never expected her to leave, and I never expected to be alone. As I stood on the edge of the meadow with my clenched fists and my aching jaw, I watched a family of deer step into the woods. A buck with a ten-point rack, a doe pregnant with children, and two baby fawns leaping alongside her. I thought about the children I could’ve had with Lana. The children I could’ve watched grow. I thought about all the family functions I did chance to attend that only served to remind me of what I didn’t have. A woman. A family. A purpose to live.
All I had was that fucking cabin. And for a moment, it was filled with a warmth I thought Lana had robbed me of the day she left.
I watched the family of deer eat their fill of the grass and flowers before I started my journey back to the cabin. Whatever I thought this walk was going to accomplish, it had failed. Instead of finding relief and solace in the nature that surrounded me, all I found was an emptiness I hadn’t yet come to terms with. An aching loneliness that fueled the anger pooling inside my chest.
It was good Ava was gone, because there was one thing Lana and her did have in common.
They were both flippant.
Flippant and temporary.
Seven
Ava
I drove through Kettle, Washington and back into Seattle territory. I had to use my GPS to get to the town limits, but once I was there I recognized where I was. My phone rang off the hook as I continued to drive, and all I could hope was that my father hadn’t tried to go to Cassie’s. The last thing I needed was to try and explain to him where I actually was and what I actually had been doing. The wrath I would incur from him would snuff out any chance I had of getting away.
The more I continued to drive, the more I thought about Travis. Why in the world did the name “Travis Benson” ring such a bell? Did my family know a Travis Benson? Had he been on the news somewhere? He didn’t look or sound familiar, so I knew I’d never met him before. But there was still something oddly familiar about him that I couldn't shake.
I couldn’t get him off my mind. The way his amber eyes were so serious even though he always seemed to be grinning underneath that beard. And his hair was beautiful. Just long enough for someone to be able to tangle their fingers up within it. I lived in a world where men didn’t grow their hair out. They kept it trimmed and swept off to the side. Anything else was considered weak or unprofessional.
But I enjoyed the length of Travis’ hair. I enjoyed how long it was.
He had been scary at first, but he surprised me with the work he had done on the car. He struck me as a woodworker, not as someone who could fix machinery. I wondered what other hidden talents a man like him had. I daydreamed about him and those amber eyes as I made my way home. I had no idea why he was so stuck in my head. I had no idea why part of me wanted to turn around and go back to him. It wasn’t like we had sat and talked for hours and hours and had all these things in common. But I could still feel the way he cradled me in his arms.
The way he had taken care of me when I was so frozen I couldn’t speak.
The way his voice had been so worried before he knew I was aware of his presence.
I took in a shaky breath as I pulled into my family’s compound. I refused to call it a home, because it didn’t feel like that. The massive wrought iron gates parted, allowing my car to wind all the way up the hill. The driveway was lined with apple trees my brothers and I had eaten off of for years, filling the yard with a luxurious smell. It had always been my favorite smell, apples and cinnamon. My mother made the best fucking pies around. It was why my favorite seasons were fall and winter.