He walked her to the entrance. “Will a servant be waiting to let you in?”
“If not, I can always break a window,” she said coming to stand in front of him. Her eyes stared longingly into his, asking him to kiss her, begging him to.
“That reminds me, you still need to pay for the damage to my window.”
“Pay?” she said with a giggle. “What choice did I have? You refused to let me in.”
I can’t let you in now, he thought. Not if it means facing rejection. He brought her fingers to his mouth and brushed his lips across them. “I shall wait here until you’ve closed the door, until I know you’re safely inside. Good night, Miss Bromwell.”
She swallowed deeply, and her bottom lip quivered. “Will … will I see you again?”
“I don’t know.”
“What are you scared of?”
“Only of hurting you,” he said before stepping past her and opening the gate. He already knew how to live with disappointment and pain. “Please, go inside. You must go inside.”
She moved through the doorway and turned to face him, hugging the edge of the gate as though it brought comfort.
“You must close the door,” he said knowing she had no choice but to obey.
When he heard the latch click, he took a deep breath. His body shook with need, his heart ached, his cock throbbed. He could still sense her standing on the other side of the door. Yet the tumultuous nature of her emotions made it more difficult to access her mood.
Heart-wrenching pain hit him first, with such force that he sucked in a breath. He could feel the pulse of desire too, mingled with a soul-deep yearning that cried out to him.
Bloody hell.
He had to walk away. He had to leave her. But his feet were rooted firmly to the ground. Letting his head fall back, he stared up into the darkness. But he knew he wouldn’t find the strength or the courage he needed there.
I love you, Alexander.
The words exploded in his chest like the brightest firework, bursting through him in a mass of warm, wondrous rays.
He’d begun the night wanting to believe there was hope, yet he’d closed the door to it at every opportunity. Convinced himself it was all in vain. Acceptance was all he wanted. And love … to love and feel loved in return.
With a burst of optimism, he turned on his heels and moved towards the door.
He would tell her about his past; he would tell her everything.
Chapter 15
It felt as though her heart was breaking. She had known Alexander Cole for a short time, barely knew the man he kept hidden inside. Yet she loved him with every ounce of her being.
How was it possible?
From the moment she’d closed the gate, the feeling of loss was unbearable and she’d not been able to stop the tears from forming. Perhaps she’d lived many lives with him before, each new birth erasing her memory of the last. Somewhere, the essence of the man must still be buried deep in her consciousness, reminding her that she had always known him, always loved him.
He felt it too; she was sure of it.
So why was he so hesitant? What was he afraid of?
The sound of wood scraping against gravel startled her, and she swung around to find his muscular shoulders filling the doorway. Her heart lurched at the sight, fluttering in her chest like a bird trying to escape its cage, as he closed the door and stepped forward.
“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t leave you,” he said. The tremor in his voice suggested an inner turmoil. “I am too weak to deny my heart and soul what it so desperately desires.”
She could hear her own breathless pants as he came to stand in front of her beneath the cherry tree.
“I want to tell you everything,” he continued, using his thumb to wipe the tear from her cheek. “Afterwards, you may insist I leave, but it is a chance I must take.”