“Shhh,” he whispers again. He settles me against him, my back to his chest, spooning me just like we used to. “You’re beautiful and perfect just as you are. You don’t need to be punished for anything.”
I blink, glad I’m faced away from him. I feel like I’m coming out of a fog, steadied again now that he’s holding me like this. And oh my God, I’m horrified at myself. Why did I just— How could I act like that again?
“Can I tell you a story?” Dominick continues before I can respond one way or another. “Once there was a boy who grew up with a really fucked-up Dad. This boy’s father was very verbally abusive and would hit him occasionally too. The father was strict and happy to punish the son whenever he wasn’t living up to the father’s exacting standards. The father loved to manipulate people and he was very good at it. So the boy grew up with a very skewed perception of how the world worked.”
I swallow hard even as his arms tighten around my middle. “And sex. The boy got a very warped perception of that too. After being introduced to it by an adult who should have known better, the father decided it could be just one more tool to control the son.”
Oh, Dominick. All this time, I thought I was the only naïve one. But I wasn’t. In some ways, Dominick was almost as inexperienced as me.
“So the son never got to have sex without the father being there,” he continues, “in control and directing every session. Doling out punishment when he saw fit. It was all the son had ever known, even though he’d grown to be a man at this point, and should have long ago stood up to his father.”
I tuck my arm around Dominick’s where it lays over my waist. So much is becoming clear now.
“And then the boy met a girl. The most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, different from anyone he’d known before. But the father had already set a trap for her, determined to pull her into his manipulative, fucked-up games.” Dominick’s forehead presses against the back of my neck. “At the wedding all he said to me was, she’s beautiful and sweet, let’s share. Those were his exact words.”
I shudder at them talking about me in such crass terms.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He presses kisses to the back of my neck, then holds me even closer. “I didn’t realize then that I would be helping him do to you what he’d done to me—completely screw up your perception of what sex should be. Christ, you never even had a chance. We were fucking predators from the beginning. I didn’t know you were a virgin. That you’d never— But Christ, it doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry. It’ll never make up for— I don’t expect you to ever forgive me—”
“Stop.” I twist around in his arms and kiss him to stop his self-recriminations. “Stop,” I whisper again, pulling back. I breathe out, pressing my forehead to his. Finally, I feel like I know the truth. I think about every moment Dominick and I spent together. Getting to know him. Us learning each other’s bodies. And how I saw him grow and even start standing up to his father by the end.
“I believe you.” I lean my head back and laugh. “Oh God, I believe you.” The weight that’s been cinching my lungs all year long finally lifts and I take what feels like the first full breath in twelve months.
When I look back down at Dominick, he’s staring at me like I’m nuts. I laugh a little more before kissing his nose, then his cheeks and finally his lips again.
He’s still looking at me like I might be a crazy person, but I finally let him in on why I feel like I’m suddenly walking on air.
“It was real,” I whisper, tearing up again. But this time with happy tears. Such fucking happy tears. “And that means… you…”
“Love you,” he finishes for me, eyes fervent. “I love you. Forever. Always. Until you’re a wrinkled old woman and I’m a little old man. No,” he shakes his head. “Way beyond that. For eternity. Infinity.”
I laugh and pull his face to mine. “I love you too.” We kiss and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss.
But it’s quickly not enough for me. My breast are crushed against his huge, muscled chest and I can feel his cock, hard and long in his soft cotton sleep pants. My legs slide open and I press against him.
He hisses out my name as I dry hump him. God, it drives me crazy being this close. I’d forgotten this feeling—how my stomach absolutely goes liquid with desire when I’m in his arms. This pulsating need to get closer, always closer.