The floor under my bed had opened up, and I felt everything being sucked down into it—a whole vortex, pulling me down.
I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. How had I gotten to this point?
He was right. I hadn’t been taking care of myself. It wasn’t just the nightmares, but those were the worst part. I could never escape them.
I would die if I didn’t change something.
“I know the cause of it…” I hesitated. “But I have to talk it out with a therapist. I need confidentiality, because what I have to say could get people killed. I can’t tell you what it is, but I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
He swallowed. I could see his Adam’s apple move up and down. “Were you attacked?”
I didn’t answer that. “I do not have a death wish,” I said instead. “But I haven’t been taking care of myself. I will change that. I promise.”
“You need to sleep. I can get a prescription for you. It’ll make you go to sleep.”
I almost cried out at the thought. I was able to wake up from the nightmares. I wouldn’t be able to wake up from that. “No. Not that, but I’ll go somewhere I’ll be safe. I promise.”
He stared at me long and hard before he gave a slow nod. “Okay.”
I nodded back. “Okay.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
CARSON
I was packing when I heard the door beep.
I stopped, my heart racing, but no… That wasn’t possible. That was the sound of when I turned off my security system, and I hadn’t. It was a malfunction. Had to be. Or I was hearing things.
“You moved.”
I screamed, my bag and clothes went into the air, and I gaped—not believing who I was seeing.
Jonah stood in my doorway, watching me.
Jonah.
Here.
In my apartment.
My new apartment that I’d moved into after I quit my job in Texas, because I didn’t know why I was living in Texas when my family was in Kansas.
And he was here.
Here.
“What the fuck are you doing here?!”
Okay. I had no chill button in this situation.
He didn’t answer, and that’s when I clued in to how clenched his jaw was.
He was ticked off.
Well, that made two of us.
“You left me!”
“I did not leave you,” he bit out.
“You told me to go!”
See? No chill. He was here. I was here. I was pissed. He was pissed. We were having this out.
“You had your brother take me home.”
“I told you if you left, I wouldn’t stop you.” He started forward. “Because I loved you! I did that for you!”
“I didn’t ask you to do it for me.”
He stopped, his face twisting up. “What are you talking about? Look at you!” he roared, pointing at me. “You’re a walking skeleton. What the fuck have you been doing to yourself?! You’re anemic. I can see that by just looking at you, and FYI, that’s not a good sign. I just got off a plane, which I rushed to after my brother told me you were in the hospital for a third fucking time in six months.”
He was really angry.
And damn.
He was hot.
Something was so wrong with me.
But he was here. Here. In my apartment. Where I was.
He came for me.
I hadn’t realized I’d been waiting, but I was. I had been. This was what I’d wanted all along. I just didn’t know it.
A tear fell down my cheek. “I wanted you to come after me.”
His eyes grew stricken. “What?”
“I wanted you to come after me.” I shook my head, flicking away that tear. It was stupid to cry over this. “I mean, I didn’t know until you just showed up. But wait—are you here here? Or are you here to yell at me and leave again?” I shot my hand out. “Because I’m not doing that. Not again. I’m not the one leaving this time. You can’t make me go, like literally. I’m not getting a ride to my parents’ house with your brother, who was nice to me and that freaked me out. Neither of your brothers are nice. When they are, it’s not right.”
He cracked a grin. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” Oh, man. I was. I really was.
Not about his brothers—I was half joking about them, but I wanted him here.
And he was here.
I wasn’t letting him go this time.
I wasn’t letting myself be taken away.
What did that mean?
I didn’t know.
His eyes gentled, and so did his tone. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath in, getting control of my emotions. “I will be.”
He moved in, cupping the back of my head and tilting my face up to his. His thumbs smoothed over my cheeks. “You’re not well. Kai told me about your hospitalizations, and I almost attacked him. He should’ve told me after the first one. What’s going on? They started after you left us?”
Oh boy. This was going to be painful.