“Baby,” he said, rushing over to my bedside. His strong arms closed around me, and for the first time since this all started, I could actually breathe—but guilt still weighed heavily on me.
“I’m a terrible person,” I wailed. “A horrible mother. They shouldn’t even let me be a parent.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true. I drank coffee. I even had a glass of wine last weekend!”
“And the pediatrician said your baby was a little early, but fine.” Mal rocked said baby over by the window. He gave David a tired smile. “Hey, man. Want to meet your son?”
“My son.” David shook his head. “Fuck. This is…”
“Wonderful,” finished Jimmy Ferris, taking a peek at the little burrito sitting in Mal’s arms. His smile was wide. “Absolutely fucking wonderful. Congratulations.”
David nodded, settling on the mattress beside me. Necessary because I had a death grip on him and wasn’t letting go. The last twelve hours may have traumatized me. He smoothed my messy hair and held me tight, letting me get it all out. The fear and the pain and everything. I cried until I was empty, and he held on to me the whole time. Whispering things like, “I’m here. It’s okay now. You did great. We’re going to be just fine. I love you.”
“We weren’t even going to start trying to get pregnant for another four years,” I said then sobbed my heart out again.
“Hey, baby, listen to me,” he said, voice firm. “I know this isn’t what we planned. But we’re going to be okay.”
Finally, I hiccupped and wiped my face. “Can I have a Kleenex?”
David passed me the box, and I blew my nose with nil decorum. Then I had a drink of water. Then I started pulling myself together, piece by piece. We could do this. We would do this. Together. I’d never been so overwhelmed in my life. But everything would be okay.
With a small smile, Mal brought over our unnamed child. “Look how chill he is. He knows he’s loved and getting looked after. Everything is cool with him. He’s fast asleep and dreaming of milk.”
“He’s so small,” said David, his eyes wide as twin moons.
“Just under seven pounds. A perfectly normal healthy birthweight.” Mal carefully handed him over. “Your boy is all good.”
On account of the four existing second-generation members of Stage Dive, we all knew how to hold babies. Which was lucky.
David stared, entranced by the baby’s face. The man was definitely paler than normal and had dark circles beneath his eyes. His brows sat high, and he kept shaking his head, like he couldn’t believe any of this was real. Join the club.
“They think that due to the placement of the placenta, I didn’t feel a lot of his movement. And because my uterus is tilted, I didn’t carry him out front so much,” I said. “I also didn’t get any morning sickness, which can happen. I was on contraception, so I never imagined that the breast sensitivity was anything more than hormones acting up. But no birth control is one hundred percent effective, as we’ve now seen.”
“If you’re not expecting to get pregnant then you’re not going to be looking out for the signs,” said Jimmy with a gentle smile. “I think you’re incredible, delivering your baby at home like you did.”
Mal cleared his throat. “That was mostly me. Doing the incredible stuff…you know. Not to make a big deal out of it or anything.”
“I mean, I went up a size a few months back. But I never imagined it was because I had a baby on board.” I sighed. “We’re so unprepared for this. I don’t even know where to begin. It’s all so huge.”
“Ben and the girls have you covered,” said Jimmy. “Lena was taking all the kids to our place while Anne, Lizzy, and he start rounding up everything you’ll need. That’s why they’re not here now.”
“Everyone turning up at once would have set off the paps,” said David, carefully cradling the baby’s head.
“Damn photographers.” My shoulders sank in relief. “Oh, thank God about the things for the baby. That’s so kind of them to help out.”
“We’re family, Ev. It’s our pleasure.” Jimmy winked. “They said if there’s anything in particular you want ASAP to give them a call. They’re going to set up one of your spare rooms as a nursery. So you should text them if you have any particular colors in mind and care what room they use.”
“Right.” I tried to smile. But after only a couple hours of sleep, exhaustion owned me.
“Or you can worry about all of that further down the line and just let them handle it for now. Whatever you want.”
I nodded. “The second idea sounds seriously good.”
“Then let them have at it,” said Jimmy. “They spent half of the flight back debating the merit of llamas versus sloths for the nursery décor. Helping you out is not a hardship.”