Marcus Landersby. She tried to visualise what he might be like, but couldn’t. It was like being given a jigsaw puzzle with too many of the pieces missing to form any kind of real picture.
She left Maggie and went into the kitchen, raiding their small supply of drinks to pour her a restorative brandy.
Maggie shuddered as she drank it, her eyes blank with despair when she raised her head and looked at her flatmate. ‘Sorry about that,’ she apologised thickly.
‘That’s quite a talent this stepcousin of yours has,’ Lara commented lightly, watching the colour come slowly back to her skin. ‘Instant and abject terror… He wouldn’t happen to be related to Dracula, would he?’
Now Maggie was flushed where she had been pale.
‘I can’t talk about it, Lara,’ she apologised huskily. ‘I’m sorry… I must pack. It’s a long drive home, and I’d like to get there while it’s still light.’
So, for all that they had been good friends for ten years, Maggie was still not going to confide in her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Maggie apologised awkwardly a second time. ‘It’s just that…that there are some things that it’s impossible to talk about, even to as good a friend as you.’
‘I’ll help you pack,’ Lara offered, resisting the impulse to press her for at least some hint of what had happened between her and her stepcousin in the past to elicit such a reaction.
‘Thanks.’
* * *
ONLY ANOTHER few miles. It was ten years since she had left here, and yet nothing had changed. Of course, she was seeing the countryside at the best time of the year: summer. In the winter these hills were covered in snow, these small villages totally cut off. In the winter it was quite easy to imagine what it must have been like centuries ago, when these border hills were the preserve of the notorious bands of border reivers, both Scots and English, who robbed and killed one another, often conducting vendettas that went on for generation after generation.
Her own family had been one of the most notorious of all such reivers, until they turned respectable during the middle of the eighteenth century when one son’s marriage with a wealthy sugar heiress had removed the need for such nefarious activities. The need, but perhaps not the desire, Maggie acknowledged wryly. It took more than money to eradicate that.
She was in the village now, driving past the small church with its dark graveyard. She gave an intense shudder of fear, remembering the starkness of the new stone that marked her parents’ grave.
With the facility she had learned over the years, her mind switched itself off, protecting her from the pain of memories she could not even now endure.
Turned away from her home, alone, terrified almost out of her mind by what had happened, unable to take in how her world had fallen apart around her, she had fled to London, desperate to lose herself and her shame in its anonymity. She shivered despite the warmth inside her car, a moment of blind panic attacking her. What was she doing coming back? She must be mad. She had to be mad…
She almost turned the car round, and then she remembered Susie’s letter. ‘Come home quickly…we need you.’
How could she ignore that desperate, childish plea?
Susie had been six years old when she’d left, Sara only four—the children of her uncle’s marriage to Marcus’s mother. Her cousins and his half-sisters.
And it had been to Marcus’s care that her grandfather had consigned his underage granddaughters in his will, so Susie had told her in one of her letters.
They were a fated family, the Deverils, or so they said locally. Fated and, some said, cursed, and who could blame them for such thoughts? The death of her own parents in a car crash, followed so quickly by the deaths of Marcus’s mother and her uncle, murdered in an uprising in South Africa when they were out there on holiday, seemed to be evidence that it was true.
Now there were only the three of them: herself, Susie and Sara…and of course, Marcus. But Marcus wasn’t a Deveril, for all that he lived in Deveril House and administered its lands. While she… while she had been cast out of her home…like Lucifer thrown out of Heaven.
And now she was doing what she had once sworn she would never do. She was coming back. She started to tremble violently, and had to grip the steering wheel to control the shuddering tremors. So much guilt…so much remorse…so much pain. When she looked back now across the chasm of the decade which separated her present-day self from the teenager she had been, she could only feel appalled by the enormity of what she had done.
No, she couldn’t blame Marcus for telling her to leave.
She was a different person now, though. A person who had learned the hard way what life was all about. A person who had learned to control those teenage impulses and emotions. Marcus would see that she had changed…that she…
Appalled, she swerved to a halt, for once uncaring of her driving, but luckily she had the road to herself. Was that why she was going back…to prove to Marcus that she had changed? No…of course it wasn’t. She was going back because of Susie’s letter…nothing else. What she had once felt for Marcus had died a long time ago. The shame and agony she had endured when Marcus had ripped aside the fantasy she had woven had seen to that. Not one single vestige of those teenage feelings was left. She was like a burned-out shell…a woman who outwardly possessed all the allure of her sex, but who inwardly was so scarred by what she had endured that it was impossible for her to allow herself to love any man.
That was her punishment…the price she had had to pay. And she had learned to pay it with pride and courage, unflinchingly facing the ghosts of her past whenever they rose up to taunt and mock her… whenever a new man came into her life, and she felt…nothing, nothing at all.
What she had done… What she had done lay in the past, and if Marcus tried to make her leave her home a second time she would have to remind him that, under the terms of her grandfather’s will, Deveril House was one-third hers.
Although she didn’t know it, the burning glow in her eyes was that of someone who had found a longed-for purpose in life. Her cousins needed her…quite why, she did not know yet, but she would find out, and, no matter how Marcus might choose to taunt or humiliate her, while they had that need she was not going to be moved from her determination to help them.
Coming back wasn’t going to be easy—there would be the curious speculation of the village to face—but the long, arid years away had taught her how much her spirit craved what only this place seemed able to give her.