Even if that was the case, it was ridiculous to suppose that she might be that person. That she might have that special something that would cause him to…
To what? To fall in love with her? Now she was being ridiculous. And what was more, she was behaving like a fool. What she was feeling for him, what she had experienced this afternoon, was plain old-fashioned lust. It had to be. One simply did not, at thirty-six, fall in love in the space of half a dozen minutes. One met someone, liked them, got to know them and then perhaps…perhaps grew to love and trust them. That was the sensible way to do things.
‘Ma, are you sure you’re all right?’ Katie questioned her worriedly.
‘What? Oh, yes…yes, I’m fine.’
‘Well, you don’t look it,’ Katie told her forthrightly. ‘Oh, and, while we’re on the subject, you’ve made me promise I won’t tell Silas what you thought and I’m going to demand a promise from you in return.’
‘What?’ Hazel looked blindly at her. ‘What promise?’
‘That you won’t go all prim and proper the moment my back’s turned and ask Silas to find somewhere else to stay.’
Hazel stared at her. How on earth had Katie guessed what was running through her mind?
‘You were going to, weren’t you?’ Katie accused. ‘Honestly, Ma, just think how that would make me look. There I am assuring Silas that no, of course my mother won’t object, and that she’d love to have him staying here, that it was her idea, her invitation, in fact. And then you go and ask him to leave.’
‘But Katie—’
‘No. You were happy enough to have him here when you thought that he and I…well, when you thought what you did.’
‘I thought you wanted him to stay here so that I could keep an eye on him for you,’ Hazel admitted helplessly, flushing with mortification when Katie burst out laughing.
She said wickedly, ‘Oh, did you? Well, let me tell you something, my naïve, innocent mama… If I truly wanted to ensure that a man’s eyes didn’t stray then you can be sure that I would not introduce him to you.’
She saw Hazel’s face and laughed again.
‘Oh, come on, surely you must have seen how gaga every boy I’ve ever brought home has gone over you?’
‘Katie, that’s an outrageous thing to say,’ she protested huskily. ‘They were boys…’
‘And Silas is very much a man?’ Katie asked her softly. ‘You’ll be perfectly safe with him, you know. If I thought otherwise…and if it’s gossip that’s worrying you—’
‘Gossip?’ Hazel gave her an outraged indignant glare. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Who’d want to gossip about me? I am thirty-six years old, Katie.’
‘Even if you don’t even look twenty-six,’ Katie agreed teasingly. ‘Even if you do have half the males for miles around gazing at you like dogs at a juicy bone.’
‘Katie,’ Hazel protested, genuinely startled. ‘That’s not true.’
‘Of course it is,’ Katie contradicted her cheerfully. ‘It’s just that you don’t see it. That you don’t want to see it. Now, come on, I want that promise, otherwise I go right downstairs now and tell Silas—’
‘All right, all right, I promise.’
Perhaps Silas himself would decide to leave now that she had made it so plain to him that she wasn’t…that she wouldn’t… As she recalled exactly what she had said she bit her lip miserably. No wonder he had reacted so angrily to her comments. And thank goodness she had not made any direct reference to his supposed relationship with Katie.
If she had… She swallowed nervously. What had happened this afternoon had been completely out of character for her. She was damn lucky that she had believed he was involved with Katie. The last thing, the very last thing she needed in her life right now was a man who would use her sexually and then leave her once he had grown bored with her—a man who…
A man who what? that treacherous inner voice whispered provocatively. A man who aroused and enticed her, a man whose touch, whose kiss promised a type of pleasure, a type of fulfilment she could only dream of knowing. So what if it was only desire he felt for her, so what if that desire could only be impermanent, so what if once his work, his book was finished, he would walk away from her without a second glance? At least she would have lived, really lived…at least she would have touched the stars and known what it truly meant to be a woman.
Dismayed by such treacherous, such wanton thoughts, she forced herself to try and concentrate on what Katie was saying, reluctantly giving her the promise she had demanded.
Silas had given her a promise this afternoon, a promise that he would not attempt to touch her again. Would he keep that promise or…?
She could feel her body going hot, her stomach tensing.
Of course he would keep it. And of course she wanted him to. Didn’t she?
* * *