It’s maybe the last thing I expected him to say, and it startles a laugh out of me. I wanted to cry ten seconds ago, flee five seconds ago, and now I’m laughing. My troubles drift, not gone, just suddenly less important.
My heart twists though. Amidst the relief, amidst the levity, amidst the moment I can just enjoy, there’s the dark reminder of my feelings. The shame associated on so many levels of admitting, even if only to myself, that I love this man. I love this terrible, awful, wonderful man.
And I love his fiancée.
And I love his cousin. Even feeling the way I feel tonight, I still love Vince.
And therein lies the problem. We circle right back around to it. Mateo is the very center of my problems, and like a cancer I’m somehow emotionally invested in, I refuse to cut him out.
Maybe Vince is right. Maybe the only way we could ever have any kind of peace would be with Mateo gone.
But that’s a price I won’t pay. I can’t pay. Because it’s somehow painful to imagine his complete absence not only from my life, but from the world. I know it isn’t logical, I know it isn’t even accurate on a moral level. He causes more bad in the world than good, in everyone’s world.
But we still want him here.
As much as I love Vince, my greater loyalty somehow lies with Mateo. I clearly took his words to heart, maybe more than he intended, but now they’re there and they don’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.
But now, even though it wasn’t his intention, Vince is disturbing the peace here, too. Because if Mateo ever finds out what Vince did, if he ever finds out I knew, even after the fact, and didn’t tell him? He’ll never be able to trust me again. I’ll be just another person who betrayed him. I don’t want that possibility on the table, but there’s a high price for telling him, and I’m not willing to pay that one, either.
I won’t give up Mateo for Vince, and I won’t sacrifice Vince for Mateo.
Maybe this is what hell is like.
Maybe I am in hell. Maybe Mateo shot me all those months ago in his study, and I wasn’t good enough in life to make it to Heaven.
I smile at my own thoughts, reaching forward and grabbing the awful alcohol from the edge of his desk. I need a drink. I see why Mateo drinks so much. I don’t know how he still has a working liver, but if I had to live inside him 24/7, I would need alcohol, too. Just a hit of him every now and then is enough to somehow demolish my world every time I think it’s stable.
“Okay. Well, thank you for listening. I’m going to go back to your bedroom and play with your wife.”
“Oh, my god,” he says, groaning. “I’ve been so good tonight, and that’s how you thank me.”
I grin, putting the glass down and giving him a little wink. “You know you deserve it.”
He shakes his head. “Heartless. You women are all heartless.”
Deleted Scene Two
A/N: Most of the deleted scenes are only deleted because they’re from the wrong perspective, but they still further the story.
This one is just smutty fun.
If you don’t WANT to read it, you won’t be missing anything. (Well, except some steamy sex scenes taking up space in your short-term memory!)
This is smutty smut. Sexy, adventurous goodness.
Enjoy!
(If you start to get ragey, skip to the scene break.)
Sexy Scrabble Parties
Mia
Mateo’s arm is still secured around me, and Meg still doesn’t care at all. She should, but she’s crazy, so she doesn’t.
Adrian is watching warily, far less comfortable with it.
“What’s wrong, Adrian?” Mateo asks, amusement evident in his tone. Adrian gives him a clear look of censure, but Mateo takes it in stride, like he always does. “You don’t like my hands on Mia?” Purposely sliding his hand down my arm, he lets it fall to my waist and tugs me even closer to his hard body.
I take a shaky breath, forcing a smile.
Then Adrian replies lowly, “No, as a matter of fact, I don’t.”
“Why?” His hand moves on from my waist, skimming the bare inside of my thigh, exposed by my sleep shorts. Adrian’s eyes are glued to the movement, then they jump back to Mateo’s, almost with a hint of warning.
“Quit fucking with me, Mateo,” Adrian says.
“Would you rather fuck with her?” he asks, easily.
Oh shit.
“Mia’s a good girl,” Mateo continues, leaning in to drop a kiss on the exposed ball of my shoulder, his eyes never leaving Adrian’s. “She’ll do what I say. Won’t you, Mia?”
I do not know what the fuck is going on right now. I can scarcely breathe, but my body is already on fire and I nod my head.