She sighed. It hadn’t felt that way in a long, long time.
So why did she think she was going to find that here? Or maybe it had nothing to do with that at all. Maybe subconsciously, she was angling to stick as close to Jake as she could. Was she pathetic? Or just plain old confused?
Jake leaned against the kitchen counter, a wine bottle in his hand, his eyebrows raised questioningly.
Raine nodded and grabbed two glasses for him, and while he poured their wine, she threw some wood into the fireplace and knelt down so that she could get it going properly. Jake joined her and she accepted her glass, taking a sip and hoping it would help to calm her nerves.
Of course that didn’t happen, and the silence between them grew so heavy that she could barely keep her merlot down.
Jake was so close to her that she felt his body heat, yet it felt as if he were on the other side of the room. It felt like the space between them, that polite, awful space, were larger than she could manage.
It was the damn elephant in the room.
“I was sorry to hear about Lily’s brother,” she whispered, her eyes on the flames as she drew her knees up and rested her chin on them. She took another sip of wine, but when she nearly choked, she set her glass aside and stared into the fire.
“Yeah,” Jake answered. “It was rough. A long time coming, but still hard as shit to deal with.”
“He was in your unit.”
Jake didn’t answer, but he nodded.
“He knew Jesse.”
“Yeah, Blake knew Jesse. He knew Jesse real good.”
“Was he hurt in the attack that…”
“He was injured in the attack that took Jesse.” Jake’s voice trailed off, and Raine glanced up at him. He looked so tired. So tired and just…done.
“Jake,” she said slowly, her hand reaching for his cheek.
“Christ, I didn’t want to get into this right now.”
“We don’t have to,” she said softly, her heart turning over when he glanced her way. “Not now.”
“There are things you don’t know. Things we need to talk about.”
“I don’t…” she began, her voice wavering. “I don’t want to talk about Jesse right now.”
She closed her eyes, felt the heat from the fire against her skin, but inside she was cold. So cold and scared.
And it was the fear that held her tongue. It sneaked up on her, fueled the parasites playing in her mind. The ones that told her not to talk. The ones that whispered she was crazy to discuss anything that might lead to questions. Because those questions would lead to an expectation of answers, and there were some answers she wasn’t willing to give just yet.
It was best to avoid questions at any cost for the moment.
Except one.
“Are you in love with Lily St. Clare?”
“Where the hell is that coming from?” He muttered something under his breath and ran his hand across the stubble on his chin.
To say he sounded surprised would be an understatement.
“I just need to know, Jake.”
“I don’t believe this.” He set his wineglass down and moved until she was forced to look into his eyes, and what she saw there was anger.
“Are you kidding me?”