When the driver pulled up to my apartment building, I paid him and climbed out, hurrying into the building as the frigid temperatures bit at every exposed piece of skin. Once inside, I shut the door and leaned against it, staring at my tiny apartment, one that was slightly depressing because of the lack of décor, and because I was alone. Not even a houseplant to keep me company.
Although in my defense, it was probably better not to have anything living, as I was horrible at keeping things watered.
And as I stood there and stared at everything—or lack thereof— I found my depression setting in.
My bare walls.
The lone cup and plate in the sink.
The fact there was … nothing in here.
I knew what I wanted to do, what I had to do for my own sanity.
I needed to get away, to clear my head and find my center. I needed to find a new way of life, but I couldn’t do that in the city, not with all the traffic, the congestion, the suffocation. I needed to go far enough away where there was just wilderness, open land, and fresh air.
So it was settled. I’d find a place in the middle of nowhere and get myself some much-needed R&R.
Chapter Two
Maddix
I shoved a few water bottles in my pack, some trail mix, and a few pieces of fruit. I had my tent, all the supplies that I’d need for a few days, and already started to feel a little bit of the weight leave me.
I did this hike every weekend, stayed in the middle of the woods, cleared my head, and got away from everyone and everything. It had me in the heart of the mountains, where my bear felt the freest.
It was the only thing—at this point—that gave me a moment where I wa
sn’t losing my fucking mind.
I headed out of my cabin, stepped off the porch, and made my way toward the back property. I’d made this path over the years, the ground worn from my footsteps, from my journey. There was a cave about two hours from the cabin, one that held a small waterfall.
Sitting in front of that waterfall had me connecting with the earth, with myself. It allowed my bear to come forth and just … breathe.
Because at this stage in my life it was all I had.
I had family, my brothers. I had the cabin I’d built with my bare hands, the property that gave me privacy. But it wasn’t enough.
I used this time to really find out who I was. And so, I did this not just for myself, but to help clear my head, to tell myself that one day I would find my mate, that she was out there. But it was hard being optimistic, feeling like life would finally be complete, that the puzzle pieces would all fall in place.
With Zakari now mated and happy, his other soul, the other piece of his life found, I wanted to be happy for my brother. I wanted to help him celebrate and be joyous that he’d finally found his female. But a part of me, one that was selfish, a bastard, was jealous. And I hated myself for that.
I hated the fact that I couldn’t be one hundred percent happy for a member of my family. We all had waited so long, were still waiting, and so another part of me took this hike every week to help realize that it was okay for me to be a little upset and withdrawn.
It was okay for me to be envious of my brother and what he had, what I might never have.
Although my mate was out there, it wasn’t a guarantee that I’d find her. Some shifters never found their other halves, and fucking hell did that suck. To go through life wanting one essential thing and never having it. But I’d search for her, go to the ends of the earth, keep looking, hoping that I’d find her.
And that’s all I could do. Hope.
But I would fucking find her. I would.
And when I did find her, there was no going back, no stopping me. I’d claim her and I’d do it hard, fast, so she knew that there was no escaping. I wouldn’t let her go. I wouldn’t be easy and gentle. She’d see the full force of what it meant to be mated to a bear shifter, one who’d waited his whole damn life to find his mate.
My bear stirred, rose up as if an angry wave crashed to the surface. He was ready. He’d been ready.
I felt all that need, all that possession slam into me.
A virgin grizzly shifter, saving himself for his mate, not even able to get hard for another fucking female. And that’s exactly how I wanted it to be. I only wanted her … whoever she was, wherever she was.