Beckett tells Desi, “It’s fine sweetheart. You were just trying to help. Katie hasn’t talked about him in months. She is actually putting on weight.”
Him…my chest constricts. Dimples appear briefly in my head. If it were possible I would die a little more on the inside, but I’m numb now. I guess that is why I like hanging out with Stewart so much. He’s safe and there aren’t complications. I can breathe when I am with him. He doesn’t know anything about my past and he doesn’t question why I hate the radio or why I never sing anymore.
I wipe the lone tear from my face and cut up some fruit with dip to snack on. When I walk back into the dining area, they all grow quiet. “You guys don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. I’m fine.” I smile and try not to break. I am so not fine. I am not sure if I will ever be fine, but I’m trying. I honestly am.
“Good, because we are going to have so much fun tomorrow. We get all access passes, thanks to my awesome new boss, Kevin.” Penny is grinning mischievously at me. I can only imagine what she has planned.
“I can’t believe I am saying this, because I am going on amazing trip with my boyfriend tomorrow, but I am so jealous that you guys are going to spend all day tomorrow hanging out with hot rock stars.”
The mere mention of those words—rock stars…my chest grows tight and my face falls. However, I put on a fake smile, trying to seem enthusiastic for my friends. I know Penny misses Bradly so I am trying to suck up my self-pity and be here for her. It is just hard pretending to be happy when half of my soul is missing.
“So hey, we better get going,” Becks says giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“You better bring me back something cool,” I tell him hugging him briefly. “Have a great time Desi. Don’t forget to write.”
Penny walks the two of them out and I start clearing the plates from dinner. Anything to get my mind from those words.
Percy rubs up against my legs purring. I scoop him up in my arms. “You have been a bad kitty today. Penny will make you sleep outside.” He purrs harder and I scratch his ears, touching his nose to mine. “I don’t need a man. Maybe I should just marry you Percy. No wonder Deloris loved you so much. You are the best listener.”
“It is really a good thing that you are going with me tomorrow.” Penny shakes her head and reaches me my cell phone. “Stewart tried to call you.”
I put Percy down and he hisses at Penny. I really wish the two of them would get along better.
Taking my phone, I go up to my room and flop down on my futon.
Me: You totally suck for missing our last meal.
Stewart: I would have much rather been with you. The mare died : (
Me: I’m sorry.
Stewart: Movie marathon tomorrow?
Me: I am actually going to a concert with Penny
Stewart: You hate music
Me: No, I don’t I just haven’t liked it very much lately is all
Stewart: Why? Weirdo…
Me: I am not a weirdo…okay maybe I am slightly a weirdo but very long story hurts my heart to talk about it
Stewart: Might make you feel better to talk about it
Sigh…Stewart just killed our friendship. I was starting to like him a lot too. I do not talk about it ever to anyone including Penny.
Stewart: Are you there?
Me: Sorry I about fell asleep I had a long day
Stewart: well sleep tight Katie
Dropping my phone to the floor, I lay and stare at the ceiling feeling guilty for blowing Stewart off. He really is a nice guy. Nevertheless, he isn’t him…the missing piece of me. My life is seriously such a waste.
Percy comes strutting into my room with his tail raised. “Don’t worry Percy, you are my number one.” I scratch his ears as he snuggles up on my chest. “You’ll never lie to me will you?” He purrs loudly and I take that as a yes.
~**~