We walk toward the old stables, and wander in, where it is surprisingly quiet given the rustling of the horses and the flurry of activity still happening outside. I can tell that Carter is getting impatient with me, so I sit down on the bench we use to put on our riding gear.
“Since I got back, things have been… happening with Parrish.”
Carter just shakes his head at me again. “Hawk, dude. Assume that I know about high school and you don’t have to mince words.”
My jaw drops. “How do you know?”
“You had sex with someone in the stable during a party with most of the fam in attendance. For Matt and Parrish’s sake, we all pretended it didn’t happen, or that we didn’t know. But dude, we knew. Everyone in this town knows everything. If I sneezed right now, the next time I go into Dylan to mail a letter, someone will say ‘bless you.’ So, something like two brothers boning the same woman isn’t a fact that is going to stay a secret for long.”
I flinch. “Come on, Carter.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just saying. I appreciate that this is awkward, but if you’ve come back here, and something is happening with Parrish, I think it’s better that you face it. Now. And not just run off again.”
I get to my feet and start pacing, panic setting in. “I’m not planning on running off. But what am I supposed to do? Move back here? Sleep in my old room under my football trophies? And I don’t know how she feels anyway. Every time I start to feel like we’re getting close, something happens. When I first got here, we were at each other’s throats. Now, every time I’m around her, I want to take her and…”
Carter waves his hands to stop me. “I don’t need details. She’s like Anna, man. I’ve been living with her hanging around here almost as long as our actual sister. But wouldn’t it be easier to just talk to her? To stop torturing yourself and just find out how she feels from her directly?”
“Because why would I make this easy on myself?”
Carter laughs. “You’ve always been like this, haven’t you? You know, in spite of you being kind of a jerk, I’ve missed you, Hawk.”
I sit back down and put my arms around him, realizing how much I’ve missed my brothers while I’ve been gone. I also realized that in all my time in Los Angeles, I’ve been deeply, and soul-crushingly, alone. Maybe I’ve never realized it before, or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. But despite all of the women, and the work, and the fancy parties, and the expensive vacations, I have spent my entire adult life completely alone.
; And I don’t want to be alone anymore. Whatever that means admitting to myself, whatever changes that means making.
I’m tired of being alone. And this is what I’ve missed. Not only my family, but Parrish.
Chapter 19
Parrish
Twinkle lights are sparkling from every corner of the ranch, and the music of the only local band that is any good is echoing from every corner. People from town are mingling with investors that Sam has invited from all over Montana, and the men responsible for building the stable are laughing and drinking by the buffet table. Anna and Gracie are on the dance floor, and Sid joins them. I feel my heart swell at the sight of everyone so happy, and having so much fun. I’m standing behind the serving dish, helping people with entrees, and chatting with investors, when Carter walks up with a grin.
“I’m having some serious deja vu,” he says with a laugh.
I freeze for a second, and then it clicks. “Oh, god. Graduation. That’s the last time we were all together like this, wasn’t it? Though… I don’t remember you being at graduation.”
“Of course you don’t. That’s the night you met Hawk.”
My eyes go wide, and Carter stuffs a roll in his mouth.
“What are you talking about?” I ask as I hand the serving spoon to someone else and follow Carter while he tries to run away from me.
“Nothing,” he mumbles through a mouth full of roll. I grab his jacket and pull him back.
“Spill it, Carter. Now,” I growl. He scrunches up his face and sighs.
“I know about you and Hawk, Parrish. Now, and when we were kids. I appreciate why we kept quiet about it for so long, but really. There is no point to any of this anymore. You like him. He likes you. Figure it out, kid.” He pats me on the shoulder a few times, then wanders off in the direction of the dessert table. And I am left standing in the middle of the grassy pasture, staring off at the party, wondering what I should do next. I don’t even know how long I have been standing here when Anna walks up to me, looking perplexed.
“Parrish? What are you doing? You look like a deer in the headlights, honey.”
I turn to her, feeling like I might cry. “Anna, do you think I have feelings for Hawk?”
Now it’s Anna’s turn to freeze. “Parrish, I don’t think it’s my place to…”
“Anna, just tell me.”