All this over a condom.
“Well, that was unexpected,” Alex said after a long moment. “What do we do now?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, wrapping my arms around my waist. “Poor Aunt Cat. Poor Arthur. Poor Dad.”
Alex pulled me into his side for a quick hug. “Oh, Gabi, this is hardly your fault.”
“He’s right,” Miles said, finally coming away from my bedroom. “It was simply unfortunate timing.”
He could say that again.
“I do hope Arthur will be all right, though,” Alex said. “He’s been here forever.”
I nodded.
Miles shifted. “Is anyone else impressed by his ability to knot his tie without looking?”
Alex trembled with laughter. “Rather so, yes.”
I smiled, looking down.
“Can I offer you some advice, Miles?” he asked him.
“Uh, sure.”
“Gabriella has never been in possession of a condom in her life. I doubt she knows where to buy them.”
I gasped, my cheeks flaming red. I did, too! What a cheeky sod!
“I would suggest you keep some about your person or give her some for Christmas if this is to continue.”
I was going to kill him.
Miles glanced at me, desperately trying not to laugh. “Noted, Alex. Thank you.”
“And cousin dearest.” He released me, only to stand in front of me and grip my shoulders. “In an emergency, there are some in the bottom of my wardrobe in the shoebox.”
He winked at Miles and turned away, leaving us both standing in the hallway, staring after him.
“Well,” Miles said, slipping his arm around my waist. “And here I thought the aristocracy was boring.”
“Oh, no,” I replied slowly. “It is anything but boring.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
My house had never felt as uncomfortable as it did right now. Arthur had kept to his word two days ago and left, and he’d followed Alex’s advice.
He was being paid because I’d made sure of it.
Aunt Cat only emerged from her bedroom when she didn’t think anyone else was around, meaning we’d only run into each other a mere handful of times.
Until this morning.
“That’s a dog.”
Aunt Cat looked up from where she was feeding a black, grey, and white dog a shredded chicken breast at the kitchen island. “Cleverly observed, Gabriella. I see you’ve kept your appointment with the optician.”
“I went last mo—that’s not the point. Why is there a dog in the kitchen? Where did it come from? Who does it belong to?” I blinked at the dog as it lapped up the chicken like it was starving.
“I found it.”
“No.”
“I did.”
“One does not find random dogs, Aunt Cat.” I eyed the dog, who looked at me right back with one brown eye and one blue eye. Cute. “Especially not ones that look healthy like this one does.”
“Well, I found him.”
“Have you taken him to the vet to see if he’s microchipped? He should be. All breeders have to chip their puppies by law now.”
“How do you know that?”
“Charlotte Wentworth told me when Glen, their beagle, escaped his crate and hopped on poor Lupi when she was on heat,” I replied, still hovering in the door.
“Glen and Lupi. What stupid names for dogs.”
Like the woman had good taste in naming animals herself.
“Well, have you? Checked for a chip?”
“He has a microchip.”
“Then I assume you’ve called the owner.”
“I can’t do that, dear.”
“Why not?”
“I can’t answer my own phone call.” She paused. “I suppose I could, but it’d be terribly awkward, using two hands. Plus, that bloody echo would be nightmarish.”
Oh, my God.
She was joking, right?
“You said you found him!”
“I did, dear. At a rescue.”
“That is not finding him!” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You know what? I’m not doing this right now, Aunt Cat. Dad is already angry, and he’s going to lose his mind when he comes home and finds the dog. Besides, I’m not sure I can even look you in the eye right now.”
“Oh, stop being so bloody melodramatic. It’s not the end of the world.”
“You’ve been sleeping with Arthur!”
“So? I’m not dead. I can have sex. Why did you think I had condoms in my bedroom?” She sniffed. “Besides. You were the one who came storming in without knocking.”
“Yes, yes, I was,” I admitted. “But I didn’t think you were home, and I didn’t any bloody condoms, did I?”
“Surely you have some in your room.”
“Why would I have condoms in my room?”
“Because they’re more useful there than in the kitchen, dear.” She paused. “Depending on where you want to do it, I suppose.”
Well, I was never eating in this kitchen again.
“I haven’t got condoms! I haven’t had sex in two years!”
“Oh, my.” Aunt Cat stopped feeding the dog. “I can see how me having it might grind your gears a little, then.”
“Aunt Cat. You have been secretly sleeping with the butler.”
“Yes, and you were about to shag the gardener. What difference does it make?”
“I haven’t shagged anyone. There’s the difference!”
“No wonder you’re so uptight today, dear.”
“Oh, my gosh. This is ridiculous.” I held out my hands. “I’m not sure why on Earth you think this is going to help the situation. Dad is hurting a lot right now.”