I wasn’t a believer. The dress looked too small to hold my curves and worse, it might draw too much attention to me. “I don’t know, Teddy.”
“Trust me.” Big blue eyes looked into mine, begging me to trust her and I did trust her. More than anyone.
I rolled my eyes and blew out a long, resigned sigh. “Fine. Give me the damn dress.”
She handed it over with a triumphant grin, crossed her arms and waited for me to put it on. “You’re going to look so hot.” Her smile beamed and she clapped excitedly.
“Let’s not go crazy,” I told her and pulled the tie on my robe. The dress felt like a cloud, soft and silky smooth as it slid over my body. It wasn’t tight but it fit perfectly, almost like a glove. The scoop neck made my neck look long and graceful without making my chest look pornographic. It was shorter than I liked, hitting just above the knee. When I turned to see the back, I was amazed at how sexy it looked. Smooth and touchable, if I wanted to be touched, which I didn’t.
“Well, what do you think?”
I could hear the smile in her voice even before I met her gaze in the mirror. “It’s too sexy but it’s perfect for tonight. With a pashmina, though.”
“Of course,” she said and rolled her eyes. “But only if you get chilly.”
“I’m already chilly with half my back exposed. Are my underwear showing?” I heard her laugh and shook my head. “I love it Teddy, thank you. But I’m not sure I can wear it.”
“Of course you can. You’ll draw every eye in the house.”
“Yeah that’s my point. It’s bad enough that Moon is going to rope me into talking to people, now you want the ones I can ignore to look at me too? No thanks.”
“Well,” she began and crossed her arms, telling me she wasn’t happy with my gratitude. Or lack of. “You can’t wear that, it looks like funeral wear. This is Vegas, not New York, Jana.” She shrugged. “I guess you can go with your favorite paint splattered jeans.”
“Ugh, I hate you right now.”
She laughed and flashed a victorious grin. “I love you too, now figure out what shoes you want to wear while I set up for hair and makeup.” She bent and picked up my velvet burgundy stilettos.
“I guess I’m ready.” I had no place that would fit us both so we set up in the kitchen.
“Are you worried that Max will be there?”
“He won’t be,” I insisted, maybe a little too strongly, but I knew he wouldn’t because I hadn’t told him about it.
“Then why are you so nervous?” She gently combed my hair, separating it as she spritzed and curled.
“Because I don’t like being the center of attention, Teddy. Tonight is all about that and I really don’t want to deal with it, but I gave my word so all I can do now is try to endure it.” People always stared at the doctor’s office, the grocery store and restaurants, but the difference was that tonight I’d be the one putting myself out there to be stared and pointed at. Mocked.
“Don’t worry honey, I’ll be right beside you all night. If anyone steps out of line, I’ll make them regret it. And I might even make them regret being born, just for fun.” We laughed because it was true, I’d seen Teddy cut a man with nothing more than her razor sharp tongue. “Speaking of Max,” she began.
“We weren’t” I rushed and replied.
“Have you spoken to him at all? Close your eyes.”
I did as she ordered and tilted my head back, waiting for the feel of the sponge or brush over my face. It was always a surreal experience when Teddy slathered face paint on me, because I never wore it. It was a pointless exercise, but Teddy wanted to help and this was how she did it. “No. There’s nothing more to say. He refuses to get the help he needs that will make things better, so we can’t be together. I love Max and I never thought I’d get to know a man well enough to fall in love with him. I let him take me out to restaurants and bars because it made him feel better, but he won’t even try to get a little better for himself. Or me. Message received.” Loud and fucking clear. It had taken a few days but now I mostly felt numb about it, only crying when I curled up in bed by myself.
Teddy was silent for so long I thought she’d dropped the topic while she finished putting her expensive gunk on my face. But I should’ve known better. “Jana I’m going to say something you might not like.”
I felt my body clench but I would hear her out. “I’m listening.”
“It’s really hard to come back from something like this.”
I scoffed and opened my eyes to find hers far too close. “Yeah, I think I know something about that.”
She nodded and set the blush brush down. “You do, but it’s not the same. When your trauma happened, you were a child still figuring out who you were going to be in this world. That was a different hardship, but Max is a grown man with a purpose in his life, one that was very dear to his heart and he not only lost that purpose, but he lost it horrifically. Along with some of his best friends, men who were like family to him, who saved his life, went to war beside him.” She took a deep breath and the sympathy swimming in her eyes nearly made me bawl like a baby. “I’m not minimizing what you went through, it was fucking terrible, but I’m just trying to make you understand. It’s hard to lose your whole identity.”
I listened to her words and processed them, trying to see things from her side. From Max’s side. It’s true that I was a poor kid with nothing but the foster parents the state entrusted with my care and Robert’s actions devastated me, Karen’s too. But I didn’t have a career to lose yet, or friends vanish from my life. “It is different, you’re right. But I’m not asking him to be healed, because I know there is no complete healing from this. All I’m asking is that he takes steps to decrease his suffering, the frequency of his nightmares. He’s not. Instead he goes home instead of staying with me.” I closed my eyes as they began to burn with unshed tears threatening to spill over, and I took a deep breath to keep those tears where they were. “Wouldn’t he at least try, Teddy? If I mattered at all to him?”
For once in our friendship, she was speechless. That in itself was my answer.