“I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty, Carly. I’m saying it because I need to get to the truth. I need to know where you’re at. The last few weeks have been amazing. Yes, we’ve both been hellishly busy and under a lot of stress, me with the F-4, you with Alesha, but I’ve been living for the nights we get to spend together. Knowing that at the end of the day, I could leave and see you and spend the entire night with you, that was what got me through all the madness. But this morning…” He shook his head as though words failed him momentarily. “It seemed like you were trying to throw that all away.”
“I wasn’t trying to, Nick,” I locked my eyes with his, desperate for him to understand. If there was a way I could have poured all my thoughts, my heart, into his, I would have.
“Then explain it to me. Please? What were you trying to say? Cause from where I’m standing, it was a complete lockdown as soon as I brought up the future. Our future. Why does that scare you so much?”
The question was simple enough. But the answer was so tangled and complicated that I couldn’t figure out where to start.
“Carly, please help me understand.”
“It’s scary because I don’t know what will happen,” I said, cringing at how stupid it sounded. “I mean, it’s the unknown, right? Doesn’t everyone fear the unknown?”
“Maybe? To a certain point,” Nick agreed. “But at some point you have to let that go and just do it anyway.”
I nodded. I agreed with him. At least, in principle.
“I came here to Holiday Cove after getting out of a very toxic, and at times violent, relationship.” Nick cringed. I’d already confessed to him about my ex’s temper, but clearly the reminder was painful to him. As it was to me. “My ex would drink a lot and take out his anger on me. It took me a long time—too long—to get out. I came here, borrowed the money I needed from my dad, and built my business and a safe, insulated life. I work seven days a week because I want to keep my routine, to not leave too much room for chance. It’s safe. Familiar. Comfortable. I know my customers and they know me. I used to be this wild child, running all over the place, partying, drinking, getting into trouble. It’s basically a miracle I’m not dead or in jail. And sure, there’s still part of that girl in here, but I will never go back to that life again. It’s better to keep myself fenced in.
“So, when you came into my life it was this whole new world of possibilities that opened up and it happened all at once. I’m scared, Nick. I’m scared of what will happen if I let myself go. If I give myself permission to build all these plans with you and map out this life and leave my bubble, what happens if it falls apart?”
Nick stepped toward me and wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly against his chest. My resolve broke down and the tears splashed down my cheeks. “What happens if it doesn’t?”
“I’m scared of letting myself fall, but I’m also scared of losing you,” I whispered, my words muffled by his shirt.
He ran a hand over the back of my neck, soothing me. “You’re not going to lose me, babe. I’m here to stay and not just because of the job. I’d have found a way to stay one way or the other. I don’t want to lose you, either.”
Nick’s fingers slid up my neck and cupped the side of my face, bringing my eyes up to his. “Carly, I’m falling in love with you.”
He didn’t wait for me to say it back—maybe because he knew I couldn’t—and instead captured my lips with his in a gentle, sweet kiss that pushed away the rest of the doubts and fears that had been gnawing at me.
27
Carly
* * *
“Come home with me,” Nick said, reaching for my hand.
I looked back at the house. “I can’t. It’s Alesha’s last night before my dad and Kelli get into town. I don’t want to leave her alone in the house.”
Nick nodded, sucking back his disappointment.
I walked my fingers up his chest and smiled sweetly up at him. “Maybe you could come back over once she’s asleep?”
He captured my fingers and pressed them against his lips.
Nick chuckled softly before letting his tongue explore the outside of my ear. He was making his way down the side of my neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses when we jumped apart at the sound of the front door opening up.
“Oh…sorry…”
I smoothed back my hair and looked over at Alesha as she peeked outside. “Hey... What’s up?”