“For me?” He punctuated his words with a booming laugh that made a mockery of the joy normally associated with the sound.
This wasn’t Lucas, not her Lucas anyway. This was her fault. The attitude, the underlying anger. If she hadn’t fallen so hard for him, she would have been able to keep her distance, but even now staying away from him seemed almost impossible. She had to make him understand.
“I couldn’t let you make any more sacrifices for me.” She reached out for him, but he brushed off her touch. “I knew you’d pay a price for disobeying your orders if I stayed around. No matter what, I’ll always be the crime boss’s daughter and you’re the head of the Silver Knights. I’d ruin everything for you. I wanted to protect you from that.”
“So letting me think that I’d killed you was your way of protecting me? I know growing up at Rolf Macintosh’s knee would fuck a person up, but this is so far beyond that.”
She flinched. His words hit as hard as a slap. “I couldn’t let you know. If you had, you would have tried to stop me.”
The breeze ruffled her now black hair, tugging it from the ponytail she’d pulled it into and she held her breath. The last thing she could take was the scent of lavender—something she’d always associate with Lucas for the rest of her life—as he looked at her as if she was the worst human being on earth. She’d known it would happen. He’d realize just how bad she was for him, but she hadn’t thought she’d be there to see it. The reality of it was so much worse than what even her twisted imagination could bring to life.
“You know, the first time you walked in here, I steeled myself against you knowing that if I didn’t I’d end up like all the other poor saps you’d manipulated, but you managed to play me anyway. I guess I’m lucky that you’re the one who ended up dead instead of me.”
And this was how it ended. She’d come here hoping to get one last look at the man she loved, share one final moment, even if she was the only one who’d realized what was happening. Instead, she’d proven everything about why she and Lucas could never be together.
She took a step backward, unable to look away from him. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“No you shouldn’t have.” Cruel. Harsh. Deserved. “You can’t be dead if you’re in my garden.”
Her feet faltered at the pain in his voice, but the knowledge of why she was doing this steadied her when all she wanted to do was throw herself at him. “I think it’s best if we act as if I am.”
“Agreed.” He nodded, his face as hard as granite. “Because you are dead to me.”
Letting the Sparrow have another go at carving up her palm would have hurt less. Hell, having her fingernails pulled out with saltwater-soaked pliers would have done less damage. But this is what it was, what it had to be.
Without another word, she turned and walked away, leaving Lucas staring in his lavender garden, free to be the Silver Knight he was destined to be. She gritted her teeth and forced her feet forward. She’d follow the same path linking the garden to the shore she’d taken to get here. Another pair of painful steps. A boat was waiting for her there. She pushed passed the agony twisting her insides. The captain would take her to Scotland and from there, she’d board another ship to America. She reached for the gate latch. And then—
Lucas’s palm slammed against the gate, holding it shut. “You’re not going anywhere, not without me.”
…
Heart thundering in his chest at his own idiocy at how he’d almost lost her again, Lucas took Ruby by the shoulders and spun her around. She looked up at him, her gray eyes gleaming with unshed tears and it gutted him. God, he was a moron. “Neither of us is walking away again. That’s not what you do when it’s someone you love.”
She shook her head. “Lucas, it won’t work.”
“Not if we don’t fight for it.” This wasn’t his area. He wasn’t a charmer. He gave out orders. He marshaled forces. He made plans. He didn’t know what to do when it came to convincing the woman he loved to stay. So he did the only thing he could think of. He told her the truth. “Look, I was an ass. Everything I said was awful and wrong. I could blame the shock or the fact that I haven’t slept since I’d thought you’d died but the truth of it is I said it because I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“That I couldn’t take it if I lost you again. I love you. You’re smart. You’re sexy. You make me want to be the good man you seem to inexplicably think that I am.”
Tears spilled down her cheek. “But the queen, she’s mad enough at you already.”
“Only because I tried to quit.”
“I’m still just the crime boss’s daughter and if I stay—maybe not now but eventually—you will resent me for ruining your life.”
“Without you it’s already ruined. This last week has shown me that. It’s been worse than hell.” For a man who lied for a living, he’d never told so much of the truth in only a few sentences. No matter what. No matter where. They were in this together from here on out. “Damn it, Ruby, I love you. If you’re going, so am I.”
She choked back a sob as she waved her hand at the house and grounds. “You can’t leave this.”
Looking around, he took it all in. The gentleman spy. The aristocrat. It wasn’t him. For all that his name had changed, he hadn’t. At heart, he was still Luc Svendsen, a scrappy kid who survived by his wits and pulled himself up from nothing. She’d seen that way before he ever had.
“Of course I can walk away. It’s just a house. It’s just a job.”
“One that you love.” She wiped away her tears with the back of her had. “One that means everything to you.”
“Not as much as you do.” He pulled her close. She felt good. This felt good. The two of them together were as close to good as he was ever going to get. She had to feel it too. “Don’t start over in America. Start over here with me, as my wife, as my partner on the Silver Knights.”