Her what the fuck look proved I had missed that one by a mile.
“No, it’s romance. I’m a sucker for a good romance.”
“Fuck, that was what I was going to go with!”
Kynslee moved closer, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Miles, what do you see when you look out over at that park?”
I glanced in the direction she was talking about. There were a few moms, a couple I remembered from high school, and kids playing everywhere. It was a beautiful fall day, so it wasn’t surprising to see all the people out and about.
“Kids playing on a playground.”
“That’s all you see?”
I looked harder. Off to one side a little boy bent down to look at something on the ground. His father was looking, too. I watched as the dad talked to his son and then marveled at the way the little one looked up at his father, like he held all the answers in the world. Then my eyes swung to a young mom. She looked exhausted as she rested her hand on her very pregnant belly, but when a little girl came running up to her with something, the mom smiled and held out her hand. She let out a scream and dropped whatever it was. Most likely a bug. She quickly smiled and bent over to kiss her daughter on the cheek before she ran off to find something else.
“Let’s see,” I finally said, “I see parents playing with their kids. Kids being ignored by a few parents.”
Kynslee giggled next to me.
“Kids playing with each other like they don’t have a care in the world. A few tired moms and dads, but a lot of smiling, happy faces. What do you see?”
She let out a loud, exasperated breath. “I see what I’ve been missing out on. I feel a longing in the pit of my stomach and an ache in my chest where something should be.”
I continued to watch everyone on the playground. “You want a family?”
“I do,” she said in an almost pleading voice. “I do want a family, not right this moment, but it is something I want in the very near future.”
“Are you asking if I want that, too? Because if you are, I can honestly tell you yes. Very much so.”
Her head pulled back. A look of relief on her face. “It doesn’t spook you?”
Laughing, I replied, “Fuck yeah, it does. The idea of bringing a little human into this world and totally fucking him or her up for life… Well, it scares the piss out of me.”
She smiled. “It scares me, too.”
“Really?” I said, surprised. Kynslee had grown up with such a loving family. She had never wanted for anything and she had the most amazing folks. My mother was pretty fucking amazing, but she struggled, and after my deadbeat father left, Mom didn’t get to spend as much time with us. She didn’t go to all the football or volleyball games, but she did her best to go to a few. She didn’t have the money to buy us cars, so we bought old cars, and Rich and I worked on them ourselves. We may not have had her undivided attention all those years after my dad left, but she loved us.
“Why do you seem surprised that the idea of a family would scare me?”
I lifted my shoulder in a half shrug. “One, you’re a woman. Doesn’t every woman want kids?”
“No.”
“Really? Wow. I thought it was something that was built into your DNA. The need to procreate and all of that.”
“I know a few women who have no desire to have kids. Ever. A few I went to college with. One of them even had her tubes tied.”
“No shit.”
“No shit.”
We both smiled. “What’s after one?” Kynslee asked.
“Oh two, you come from a loving family.”
Kynslee laughed, hard. “Well, let me just say my parents are amazing, but in my mind they are perfect and I will never be able to parent that well. My mother is a little crazy, so I do worry that will come out whenever I wear the mom badge, but I plan on doing my best to stow it.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Okay, so we both want the same future. Marriage, kids, what about a dog?”
“Well, he’ll have to get along with Rowdy and Whiskey.”
I groaned. “No, no. The rooster cannot live with us. He’ll kill me, Kyns. I’m not sure how long I could sleep with one eye open.”
Kynslee laughed, then stood. “We should get back to our folks. Oh, and the rooster will live with us, and you will fall in love with him. I know you will.”
Standing, I wrapped my arms around her waist. “It will be a cold day in hell when that happens.”
Kynslee
MILES AND I went back to Jen’s place where we sat our folks down and told them that yes, we were dating, but we were also taking things slow. We still had a lot to learn about each other, and I was glad Miles had finally admitted his feelings and fears. We were not engaged, although I still had the feeling Miles wanted to slip that beautiful ring on my finger. We asked for their love and support, and I even made my father promise he wouldn’t threaten Miles in any way. He was a little reluctant to agree to it, but he finally came around.