That made her smile and she took another bite of her food.
I thought back to when I had dropped everything when I realized it was her birthday. I chuckled as I said, “There were times I was in a fucking remote mountain range and trying to get the call to connect on a satellite phone, and it was damn near impossible.”
The corners of her mouth rose slightly. “Why did you do that?”
“Call you each year on your birthday?”
She nodded.
“Because I wanted to hear your voice. I’d never missed your birthday since you became my best friend, and I wasn’t about to start.”
A blush moved across her cheeks, and she looked back out over the lake. I could tell she was frowning, even from her profile.
“Who else was on your list of people you called?” she asked.
So, there it was. Kynslee wondered if there was anyone else in my life as important as her. If I could have flown Kynslee all over the world, I would have done it. Hell, I probably could have. I was just too damn scared to start anything when I was putting my own life on the line practically every day. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t start a life with her when I had no idea if I would be alive from day to day.
“No one besides family.”
Her head jerked back, and our eyes met. Narrowing her eyes in disbelief, she asked, “No one at all?”
“No one.”
She swallowed, then looked down at the blanket. She picked at something and laughed. “You know, there were times when you would call me, and I thought I heard gun shots in the background.”
I grinned. “I’m sure you did. I was in the middle of a war zone in Colombia one year. Trying to find a place to be able to call you was hard as fuck, but I managed it.”
“Thank you,” she softly said, her gaze locked on mine.
“For calling?”
“That and for not getting yourself killed. It would have devastated…your family.”
“Not you?”
Our eyes met again and the honesty in hers made my breath hitch. “Of course, it would have. More than you know. You’re my best friend, Miles.”
She looked back over the lake as we returned to a comfortable silence.
“Were you ever shot?” she asked out of the blue.
“Yes.”
Kynslee’s eyes widened. She knew I was shot at, but actually knowing I’d been shot was something else entirely. In all of our communication, I’d never told her any of the bad shit that had gone down.
“Where?”
I lifted my shirt and showed the bullet hole scar below my shoulder.
“This one was the worst one.”
Gasping, she asked, “This one? How many more? Did your mother know you’d been shot? I have so many questions I need answers to.”
With a chuckle, I pointed to my side. “Bullet grazed me here, that wasn’t so bad.”
When she reached out and ran her fingertip over the scar, my entire body jolted inside.
Holy fuck.
“Is this it? Is this all of them?” she softly whispered.
I attempted to speak with a steady voice, but the way she was looking at me, her fingers moving across my skin, I was anything but steady.
“No.”
Her eyes lifted to mine and something passed between us. The same thing that passed between us the last time we were together. The memory of that dreaded moment when I fucked up replayed in my mind.
“What did Jack want?” I asked, causing Kynslee to spin around. The moment she saw me, a wide grin spread over her face. My heart felt like it jumped in my chest. I wanted to pull her to me and tell her she was mine. Ask that she wait for me until I served my time and came home…or died trying.
“Jack asked me out, but I told him no.”
This was it. If I pretended that what happened between us last night was nothing but casual, she could move on and not worry about me. It would give me time to figure this shit out, get everything squared away so that I could build a future for us. One where Kynslee would never have to worry about anything ever again.
So I did the one thing I would live to regret. I pushed her away. “Why did you say no?”
She let out a disbelieving laugh. “What do you mean, ‘why did you say no’? Don’t you remember last night, Miles?”
I laughed. “Us fucking? Yeah, I remember.”
Her eyes filled with hurt, and I hated myself. Hated that I was hurting her, cutting her to the quick to make my leaving easier.
“You don’t…you don’t remember anything we talked about? Us?”
With a shrug, I said, “I remember waking up to you on top of me this morning. Kyns, are you okay with this? With what happened between us?”
She swallowed hard. “Yeah, it was amazing.”
I went to pull her to me, but she stepped away. “It was just sex, right? I mean, friends with benefits? That’s your take on this morning, in the aftermath of it all.”