“I’m fucked.” I pushed away from my laptop and strode to the balcony to watch the ocean. The waves did their job, slowing my racing thoughts, calming my soul. I needed to focus on first things first. Would Ellie even be interested in a relationship beyond friendship and sex? I had to ask her – but how?
I went back inside and pulled out some paper to jot down ideas on how I could broach the subject. When I had a good idea, I ran to the store to pick up some items, and then picked Mollie up from school. I asked her to draw a picture of us when we were on the beach, while I packed up a picnic dinner for the three of us. It might not be smart to include Mollie, but Mollie and I were a packaged deal.
I taped Mollie’s picture to Ellie’s door with a note to come and visit us on the beach. I hoped she came because the only way I’d been able to get Mollie to agree to a picnic on the beach was telling her Ellie would come.
Mollie and I found a spot on the beach and set up our blanket and basket of food. Mollie dug in the sand looking for shells, every now and then checking the water to make sure the waves didn’t get too close to us.
“When is Ms. Webb going to get here?”
“Soon, baby.” God, please, let Ellie come.
Mollie continued to dig and I grew more and more anxious. What if she did come? What was I going to say?
“Ms. Webb!” Mollie jumped up startling me. She ran and gave Ellie a hug.
I stood to welcome her. She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Something was wrong.
“We made a picnic!” Mollie tugged on Ellie’s hand. “We got fish crackers and ‘ronis that look like fish too.” It hadn’t been easy to find macaroni noodles shaped like fished, but I did and made Ellie’s favorite macaroni and cheese from it.
“That sounds like so much fun.” Ellie let Mollie guide her to the blanket, but she hesitated before sitting.
“Everything okay?” I asked as I helped her down to the blanket.
She was non-committal as she sat.
We ate dinner, and Ellie was her usual self except not. She chatted with Mollie and talked with me, but there was something in her eyes that said something wasn’t right.
“I’m going to dig for more shells. Can I daddy? I ate all my dinner.”
“Yes. Don’t go far.” She took her pail and shovel and set up about ten feet from us. “She’s making progress. I guess I should be glad she’s timid. I think I’d be a nervous wreck if she was more daring.”
Ellie laughed, and yet there was sadness behind it.
I took her hand, but she flinched. I got a whoopsy feeling in my stomach that made me want to keep all my crazy feelings for her to myself.
“Will, we need to talk.”
With those words, everything inside me went cold. “That sounds ominous.”
She closed her eyes, and I could see she didn’t want to talk. But when she opened them, there was a determination in them. She swallowed. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” Of course, I knew what. But I’d been getting ready to lay my heart on the line, and before we could get started on something new, she was going to slash my heart from my chest.
She sighed. “I can’t be friends with benefits anymore.”
I frowned. Did that mean she could be more than friends?
Before I could find a way to ask without revealing too much of my heart, she said, “I do value your friendship, but my life has gotten complicated and I just can’t…” She trailed off like she couldn’t say the words.
“So, you’re ending things?” Anger and hurt burned in my gut.
“You said yourself that this was a no-strings-attached deal. I just…well…things have changed, and I can’t do this anymore.”
The hurt and anger simmered. I wanted to lash out. To make her explain. To beg her to rethink things. But Mollie was playing in the sand too close to us, and I was too pissed to trust myself not to do something crazy that would scare Mollie.
“I’m sorry.” She stood and looked down on me. I thought I saw tears, but it was hard to tell through the haze of anger. All I was able to do was stare at Ellie and wonder why I’d let another woman fuck me over.
Chapter 15
Ellie
I told myself it was annoyance I saw in his blue eyes as I did the hardest thing I’d ever done and end it with him. After all, he couldn’t be mad or hurt. He’d been clear from the beginning that our fling was NSA. He’d told Rick just a few days ago that he wasn’t serious about me, so that couldn’t be hurt or pain or even anger.