After, I help Mom clean up while Avery grabs her things from her room and my dad throws wood in the fireplace. As much as my parents love Avery and think of her as their daughter, I know they enjoy the one night a week that she’s with me.
Hugs and kisses are exchanged, and Avery and I leave. We stop by a small ice cream shop on the way home, opting to eat it in the car since there’s a cool breeze blowing and sitting outside would be too cold. My apartment is about thirty minutes away from my parents’, so by the time we get there the sun is already setting.
“Why don’t you grab a shower while I grab the blankets and pillows,” I suggest to Avery.
“Okay.” I smile as she skips off with her bag in her hand.
Walking over to the windows, I gaze out into the night for a moment before I pull the curtains closed, then go to the kitchen and grab out a couple water bottles. Setting them down on the coffee table, I go to the closet in the hallway and pull o
ut a couple blankets and pillows.
As I’m throwing them on the couch, my phone dings in my purse. I grab it and look at the screen. My lower stomach flutters when I see Nathan’s name. I swipe the screen to pull up his message.
Nathan: I wanna see you before Saturday.
A smile plays on my lips. Sitting down, I reply.
Me: Can’t. Tonight is movie night and tomorrow I won’t be home.
Nathan: Movie night?
I look toward the hallway when the shower turns off. Avery will be coming out soon, and I really don’t want her to question who I’m texting.
Me: With my sister. We do a movie night every Thursday. Tonight, we’re going scary.
The little dots move, stop, move again, then stop. I wait on his reply, but before it comes, Avery walks into the living room, dressed in a pair of warm flannel pants, a big hoodie, and cute zombie slippers. Water drips from her sandy-blonde hair onto her shoulders.
I set my phone down, scoot back, and pat the cushion between my legs. Walking over, she hands me the brush she’s carrying and takes a seat.
“How do you want it tonight?” I ask.
“A French braid, please. I want it to be curly tomorrow.”
Smiling, I run the brush through her hair. “You got it. Grab the remote and start browsing movies.”
While she does that, I start on her hair. Sitting here like this, I feel like a real mom. I love Avery so much my heart hurts with it. I want her as my own. I want her to know me as her mom. But I worry what it’ll do to her when she finally knows what I did. Will she hate me? Feel betrayed and unwanted? Will she be okay knowing she came from me? What will she think of me when she finds out how she was conceived and how I neglected her like I did?
Mom’s told me several times that it’s up to me when Avery finds out the truth. When she was born, I still wasn’t in a good place in life, so Mom and Dad took care of her. I felt it would be easier on Avery, less confusing, if she thought they were her parents. Mom insists that Avery belongs with me, that she’s only taking my place for the time being, until I’m ready. I’m ready now, have been for years, but I’m scared too much time has passed.
“What about The Shining?” Avery asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“Are you sure? We’ve seen it about ten times already.”
Her little legs bounce against the couch, causing her whole body to bounce. “I know, but it’s one of my favorites.”
“Okay. If that’s what you want to watch.” I slip the band from the end of the brush and tie off her hair, then give it a tug. “I’m finished here. I’m going to grab a quick shower. Why don’t you grab your Kindle and read while you wait?”
She jumps from the couch and takes off to the room I have for her here. I laugh when her slippers skid on the floor and she has to catch herself on the doorway so she doesn’t fall. “Slow down, little lady,” I yell after her.
Getting up from the couch, I check the door to make sure it’s locked before going to my room. Hearing little patters of feet on the floor, I know Avery is back in the living room, probably with a blanket wrapped around her and her Kindle in her lap. She may be only eight, but she’s smart. And she loves to read.
I leave the bathroom door open as I get undressed, so I can hear if she needs me. She’s a good kid with a level head, but I still never leave her alone for long periods of time. I’m terrified something will happen to her, which I guess is normal for parents, especially with their first child.
Less than ten minutes later, I’m stepping out of the shower with a towel wrapped around me. I tilt my head to the side when I hear Avery’s voice, then another low-pitched voice. Worry has my stomach clenching, and I rush from the bathroom. I find Avery standing at the closed front door, talking through it to someone.
“Avery Renee,” I scold as I walk briskly over to her. “What are you doing?” I clutch my chest over my racing heart.
“I wasn’t going to open it, Em. There was a knock, and I asked who it was. That’s all. I promise.” She looks up at me with pleading eyes.