In a lifetime of being the second child, the ‘other daughter’, the one who was always supposed to wait in line, she hadn’t recognised the deepest need until it surfaced. She’d even let herself think that being chosen above her sister, placed above her parents, would lift her, give her the sense of fulfilment that she needed. But now she knew that even being first of all women in the country wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. She needed to be first in someone’s heart. Knowing that she was not could only end up breaking her own heart.
The loud bang as she slammed the door to the bedroom shut resounded all through the palace, and yet she knew it was only an empty gesture. There was no way she could close it against Nabil, or shut him out. Like everything else in his world, Nabil owned that door, the key that locked it. They all belonged to him.
And so did she.
Just when she had admitted to herself how much she wanted more, Nabil had brought it right back down to basics again. She had to face the fact that she was little more to him than one of the beautiful pure-bred Arab horses in his stables. A brood mare. Of full value only when she was pregnant with his heir—to give good value from those ‘child-bearing hips’!
She had to pull herself together. She had no doubt that he would come after her. She had given away too much already by reacting as she had done; she couldn’t let him see how much his words had upset her. A bronze-coloured tunic and black leggings lay on a chair beside the bed and she snatched them up on her way past. The bathroom door at least could be locked from the inside.
In here, she could take a little time to make some vital repairs to her appearance, she told herself, staring in horror at the wild disarray of her hair, the huge pools that were her eyes with disturbing, bruised-looking shadows under them. That sight if nothing else drew a dark, emphatic line under the turmoil that burned in her heart. Could she accept what Nabil and all the rest of the world thought of as the huge amount she had been offered when deep inside she knew it was too little, could never be enough?
She barely had time swiftly to shower, dry and pull on the clothes, drag a comb painfully through the knots in her hair and tie it back with a band before she heard footsteps in the bedroom. A moment later Nabil’s fist hit the bathroom door with a force that almost shook the room.
‘Aziza! Come out now. What the hell are you doing in there?’
‘I thought I’d better get dressed,’ she bluffed as she turned the key and opened the door, leaning in the open space in what she hoped was a relaxed pose. She didn’t want to make him probe too deeply into why she had reacted as she had. He would see through the carefully protective mask she had shown him since their wedding day if she didn’t take care. ‘I suddenly worried that someone might find us.’
‘Very suddenly,’ was Nabil’s dry response. ‘You should know that no one would disturb us without my permission.’
‘Of course. That is how it always is for you, isn’t it? But I haven’t lived with such privilege all my life. I was—nervous. Shy.’
Shy was the last thing that Nabil could be described as being. He was still as naked as when she’d left him, his long, lean, golden body displayed to perfection in the sunlight streaming through the window. His jet black locks were tousled and in disarray, something that made colour rise over her skin as she was forced to remember how they had got that way, with her hands tangling in them, holding his head against her breasts. She could still feel the slide of them under her fingertips as she’d abandoned herself to the ecstasy of orgasm. Nabil was thinking of it too, or something very similar, as she saw the way his eyes darkened, a reminiscent smile curling his beautiful mouth up at the corners.
‘I don’t recall any—shyness,’ he drawled now, his eyes mocking her openly.
‘Don’t claim you were thinking of me!’ she flashed back.
‘I was thinking of nothing else. How could I think of anything but you when you were on top of me—around me...?’ His tone deepened, darkened. ‘When I was inside you.’
‘Nabil!’ It was a fake protest, the words giving her the needed impetus to move past him, hurrying to close the door again.
‘Ah yes.’ There was a definite note of laughter in his voice now. ‘I noticed them this time—the hordes of servants all crowding round the door.’
‘There might have been someone in the corridor! And I prefer to conduct our personal business in private.’
Now that she had turned from the door, she found that she was trapped, with Nabil in front of her, effectively blocking the way between her and the rest of the room. He was so close that she could almost feel the heat of his skin, inhale the clean, musky smell of him.