; “Much.”
I smile and turn my attention back to my ice cream cone. If I’m being honest, kissing Jasper might be better than ice cream. Might. Ice cream is damn hard to beat.
We finish our ice cream and continue our trek down the pier, ending up in front of the Ferris wheel. The sky has darkened to a deep purple color with the moon rising and stars twinkling. The lights on the Ferris wheel twinkle, illuminating the area around us. When I look at Jasper, his face glows red and blue as the wheel turns.
He feels my gaze and looks down at me. “You want to get on?”
“Of course,” I cry, bouncing the balls of my feet. “I haven’t done this in forever. I got kind of afraid of it, but I don’t feel scared now. There are far scarier things to be afraid of.”
“This has always been one of my favorite places. Up there … nothing else exists. It’s you and the whole world spread out before you. There’s a peace up there I find nowhere else. I haven’t been here since the day after T.J. died. I came here and rode it three times. It sounds dumb but looking out over the ocean and the city helped me see how much beauty is in the world. Even when bad, truly awful things happen, there’s still beauty around us if you allow yourself to look. I won’t lie, it made me angry at first. Angry that I could see this, experience this, while he couldn’t. Some days I still feel that way. I think, thanks to you, I’ve accepted that bad days will happen but I can’t focus on them. I’m allowed to feel angry or sad as long as I don’t let it consume me.”
“Sometimes you need to scream,” I add, and we both smile remembering that first day when he took me to his grandparents’ property and we screamed, letting it all out on the edge of a cliff. That moment is one I’ll never forget. I literally felt the anger, sadness, fear, and frustration poor out of me in that moment like a faucet of water being turned on.nbsp;
When it’s our turn we sit down and the bar goes across our laps. As we start to ascend the Ferris wheel jolts and I quickly grab Jasper’s hand, holding on tight. I know realistically if I fell to my death his hand would do little to help me, but it makes me feel better so that’s all that matters.
The higher we go, the more my fear disappears. You’d think it’d be the opposite, but I find there’s nothing to be afraid of. Fear is objective anyway. Some people are afraid of a mouse, others fear death, but being scared doesn’t conquer anything. You have to shove it away and force yourself out of your comfort zone, and once you do that’s usually when you experience something unbelievable.nbsp;
“It’s so amazing up here,” I whisper, looking down at the tiny people below. My stomach dips a little, but not enough for me to look up right away. In the distance I see people strolling the beach, couples holding hands, and even lines at food stands.nbsp;
“It is.”
I look over at him and our eyes meet. As we near the top he cups my cheeks and slowly pulls me in until our lips meet. This kiss starts slow, but that small spark soon ignites a fire and by the time we reach the top I think I might spontaneously combust on the spot.
He rests his forehead against mine, his breath tickling my skin. “In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve completely unhinged me. I’ll never be the same because of you and I mean that in the best possible way. You make me see things in a different light. I find myself being grateful for the simplest things, because each day is a gift and I can find something good in it, because if T.J. has to be gone his life should be celebrated and being depressed about it isn’t going to bring him back.”
“But you’re allowed to be sad sometimes,” I remind him.
“Sometimes,” he repeats. “But not all the time.”
“And if you need to scream, or talk about it, or whatever, I’m here for you.”
“And I’m here for you.”
As we both turn away, at the same time and completely unplanned, we scream.
It’s not a scream like we had that day on the cliff.
That scream was filled with pain, and anger, and pure sorrow.
Not this.
No, this is a cry of a joy.
“Slow down!” I scream, clinging to Jasper’s back as he runs on the beach, the pier now behind us as we go in search of Harlow and Spencer. “You’re going to drop me,” I giggle.nbsp;
“I’m not going to drop you,” he scoffs.
I squeeze my arms around his neck and tighten my legs around his waist.
“But you might choke me to death,” he squeaks out.
“Oh, sorry.” I loosen my hold and kiss his cheek. “I won’t do it again.”
He chuckles. “Why do I doubt that?” He continues down the beach, now walking. nbsp;“Did she say where they were?”nbsp;
“Just that they were sitting on the beach.”
He groans. “Because it’s not like the beach is miles long or anything.”