Jude sped out of the neighborhood, breaking at least ten traffic laws. “That man,” he growled, clenching the steering wheel so tight I was surprised it didn’t break off in his grasp, “is a piece of shit. That’s what you live with, Tate? Why? Why don’t you get out of there?”
The floodgates opened up then. “I’m trying!” I screamed at him. I wasn’t even mad at him, but my God I needed to scream. I hadn’t wanted him, or anyone else, to know how bad it had gotten recently with my dad, but now that he’d witnessed it firsthand I let all my emotions out. “I’m trying my hardest to get away from there!” I started to sob. “I’m trying,” I repeated, over and over again for lack of anything else to say. I couldn’t seem to stop my tears. My face was soaked with them and they fell from my chin to my shirt.
“Oh, baby,” Jude’s voice cracked. Suddenly, he pulled the truck off the side of the road. He parked the truck, undid his seatbelt, and pulled me into his arms. My elbow bumped into the horn and the sound of it reverberated around us. The tears kept coming and I was helpless to stop them. He wiped them away with his fingers as fast as they came. He even kissed some of them way, like he hoped maybe his kisses could heal the broken pieces of me. I was doing better, I was, but there always seemed to be something that knocked me down again. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head. “Let it out, baby.”
I clung to him like he was the only thing holding me up and maybe he was. He was my strength. My rock. He kept me whole.
I tucked my head beneath his chin, my tears dampening his skin. I hadn’t cried this hard since I lost Graham. I thought maybe I’d been keeping all the tears bottled inside me all these years. Now, the dam broke free.
Jude whispered sweet words to me, but I couldn’t understand any of them. It was like my mind shut down all-together. It was the only way I could cope. It’s what I always did: Pretend it wasn’t happening. It was so much easier to ignore everything
around me than to face it straight on. Maybe that made me weak, but I didn’t care.
His lips brushed the top of my head. One of his hands wiped at my cheeks while the other rubbed my back in a soothing gesture.
I gasped for air. This was probably the most epic ugly cry in the entire universe and Jude handled it as if he dealt with this kind of thing every day. Most guys would have run away from me, screaming their heads off. I was pretty sure it was a fact somewhere: Tears scared guys. But not Jude. He was different. I think deep down I’d always known it, but I’d clung to my hatred of him. I needed someone to hate and he became my scapegoat, but now that hate had nowhere to go but to my parents. I could feel the anger rising in my body to boiling levels. It would only take one more interaction with my dad and I’d lose my ever-loving mind.
“Let it out, Tate,” Jude whispered, kissing my forehead in a tender gesture. “Let yourself feel.”
I was letting myself feel. All of it. All the pain, and hate, and heartbreak, and a million other things I’d kept bottled inside for far too long. I felt it everywhere and it was the most painful thing in the world, but also the most healing.
I pushed away from Jude’s arms and was out of the truck before he knew what I was doing.
We were on a back road and there were no cars or people for miles. Just animals, and I wasn’t worried about them.
I walked a ways, a hundred feet or so, and let my head fall back.
I opened my mouth and I screamed.
I was doing what Jude told me. I was letting it all out and this was the only way I could truly do that.
I screamed again, because it felt so good the first time.
After another scream, I fell to the ground on my knees, my chest heaving as I gulped greedily at the air.
Jude had gotten out of the truck at some point and his arms wrapped around me.
He was quiet for a moment, just holding me, but finally he spoke.
“Feel better now?” He asked.
I nodded. I couldn’t seem to find the words to speak.
“Good.” He picked me up bridal style and I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning my head against his chest. His heart thumped steadily against my ear. I decided in that moment that the sound of Jude’s heart was my favorite sound in the whole world. It eased my pain and brought me comfort.
It was kind of funny actually, how falling in love with the wrong person could be the most right thing in the world.
Everything about Jude was made for me and I was made for him. We completed each other in every way.
Jude set me in the truck like I was a doll.
He kissed me gently, as if he hoped his kiss alone could heal me. He looked down at me, his brown eyes full of warmth and caring. “It’s okay to be sad, it isn’t a bad thing, unless you let it be. When you’re sad, you have to remember not to let it eat you up so that you can find happiness again.” He traced his index finger lightly over my parted lips. “I used to be angry all the time, because of my parents, but my anger never solved anything. It just made me a miserable person. I don’t want that for you, Tate. Don’t let it eat you up. Find your happy.”
“You’re my happy.” I whispered.
He grinned crookedly and cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb against my skin. “And you’re my happy.”
To others our words might’ve seemed cheesy, but they were one-hundred percent true. Before Jude I hadn’t realized how rarely I was happy. He gave that back to me. No, not just that. He gave me back me. He resurrected the Tatum who’d died with her brother. If that didn’t make him special—us special—I didn’t know what did.