“Where’s Trenton?” She looked behind me, like maybe he was hiding there.
“He left,” I stared at the last spot I saw him. A motorcycle roared to life somewhere, the only sound in the otherwise quiet town.
“Did he leave…peacefully? Or did you make him leave?” She asked, tilting her head to study me.
I rolled my eyes. “You make me sound like a bitch.”
“When you get around Trent, you sure act like one. Why do you hate him so much?”
“I don’t hate him,” I whispered, watching the little clouds my breath made in the cool air. I wished I hated him. It would make things so much easier.
“Really?” She tilted her head, pushing her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Because you sure act like it. I would kill to have Trenton look at me like he does you. Heck, I’d like for any guy to look at me like that.”
I shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “He doesn’t look at me in any particular way.”
She snorted. “Are you fucking blind? He looks at you like he wants to lick every crevice of your body.”
My eyes widened. “That’s…” I had no words.
She took a step back. “I love you, Rowan. I really do. But sometimes I feel like I don’t really know you at all. You’re so strange sometimes.”
Her words didn’t hurt my feelings. No one knew the real me…not even myself. If I were an outsider observing myself, I’d think I was strange too.
“My mom’s going to be here in a few minutes to pick me up since my car’s still being fixed, so you don’t need to give me a ride,” she backed away further. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I waved weakly, watching as she disappeared inside the doors of the library.
I adjusted my books so I could sling the backpack onto my shoulders and headed to my car.
Normally, after I finished working at the library I stayed past closing time to study. They knew me and didn’t mind me using it, but Trent had messed with my plans. This also meant I hadn’t had a chance to change out of my work clothes. I always changed back into my school clothes once my shift was over, so I’d be more comfortable. I knew my mom wouldn’t have done anything for my siblings. Everything always fell on me. I was like Cinderella, only Prince Charming was never going to put a glass slipper on my foot and take me away to his castle.
I unlocked the door to the old silver Honda Civic. It was a piece of crap, but it ran, so that was good enough for me.
I tossed my bag and books into the back and slid into the driver’s seat. I sat there for a moment, counting my breaths and heartbeats. It calmed me for some reason.
I put my hands on the steering wheel but I didn’t pull away.
I didn’t want to go home…I never did. But that didn’t stop me from doing it anyway. Maybe I could have left…gone away…had a different life. But I wouldn’t leave. I was chained to that house and a life I didn’t want.
I was trapped and I was slowly being suffocated by all of it.
Sooner or later everything would catch up with me and I’d willingly let it consume me.
???
“Hi, mom,” I said when I walked into the house. I closed and locked the door behind me.
I turned, glaring at her passed out form. Every single day of my life it was the same routine. I was always talking to the equivalent of a corpse. She was here in body, and that was it. Even when she was awake she was drunk.
“Row! Row!” I dropped my bags down as my little siblings came running at me.
“Hey,” I opened my arms wide, hugging them tightly. They were the only two things in this world that kept me going. “How was school?” I asked them, smoothing my fingers through Ivy’s light brown hair and then ruffling Tristan’s.
“It was okay,” Ivy’s pale pink lips turned down in a frown.
“I got a gold star,” Tristan pointed proudly to the sticker adorning his chest.
“Awesome!” I gave him a high five. “What did you do to get that?” I tickled his stomach lightly, making him giggle.