When I knew I was okay—well, as okay I could be—I nodded and he opened the door.
The house was so eerily quiet that I almost believed he hadn’t arrived home yet, but when we entered the kitchen it was lit up, and he sat at the same spot at the kitchen table where he’d been the last time. Only now, he looked very different. His eyes weren’t angry and tired; instead they were full of trepidation and worry. He’d put on a little weight and his smile wasn’t grim like it was before. He wasn’t quite normal—or the smiling, loving dad I remembered from most of my childhood—but it was an improvement. So, I’d take it.
“Hi, Tatum,” he nodded at me, clasping his hands, with a sad smile on his lips. “Jude.” He nodded at him too. “Sit, please,” he waved his hands at the free chairs. “I got your message that you were running late so I just ordered the pizzas. They should be here shortly.”
“How are you?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what the customary thing to say in a situation like this was, so I settled on that. It seemed harmless and safe enough.
“Better,” he replied, his shoulders lifting slightly in a barely-there shrug. “I have a long way to go.” He cleared his throat and looked between Jude and I. “I want to apologize about the horrible things I said to you both. I wasn’t…well.” He flinched. “I hope you can both forgive me.” I nodded and Jude did as well. Speaking solely to Jude, he said, “I’m so sorry for the hurtful things I said and that you witnessed. You are good enough for my daughter.” Lowering his head, he mumbled, “You’re a far better man than I am.” He lifted his head gradually and when he looked at me tears shimmered in his eyes. “I was horrible to you, Tatum. I can’t believe the things I did and said to you. To your brother. Your mom,” he bit down on his fist and shook his head. Regaining his composure, he continued, “I will spend the rest of my life regretting everything I’ve done. I wasn’t a good husband or father.”
“You weren’t always horrible, dad,” I interjected. “There were good times. Remember those too, they shouldn’t be forgotten just because there’s bad.” I slid out of my seat and walked over to him. He startled when I reached out to hug him. “I love you, dad.” Pulling away, I looked into his eyes, “But you have to understand that I need to protect myself and if…” I closed my eyes, taking a steadying breath so I could say what I needed to say. “If things go back to the way they were before, I will leave.”
He nodded his head. “I understand. I’m trying my hardest to be better.”
“I know,” I kissed the top of his head. “I’m putting the past behind me and we’re starting new.” I stared into his eyes so he’d know I was serious. “It’s up to you to decide where we go from here. Understand?”
His eyes closed and he let out a shaky breath. “I understand.”
“Good,” I stood up straight as the doorbell rang. Jude left to get the door and came back carrying the pizzas.
“Let’s go to the family room and watch TV.” I pointed and Jude immediately turned on his heel, heading out of the kitchen. I turned to look at my dad over my shoulder. “Come on, dad. Let’s put a movie on and eat. Like the good times.”
“Like the good times,” he mimed, pushing his hands against the table as he stood. He grabbed my arm, halting me in the doorway so I couldn’t leave. My heart sped up and my throat closed with fear, but I forced myself to relax. My dad was better now, but that didn’t stop me from fearing him. It would take time for me to completely be okay around him again, but I was going to do my best, because I wasn’t lying when I told him I wanted us to move forward. He was my dad after all. “When did you get so grown up?” He asked me, his mouth tilted down sadly. “Where’d my little girl go?”
“My brother died,” I shrugged. “My mom shut down and my dad,” I eyed him, not in angry way, just bluntly, “was an asshole. I didn’t have any choice but to grow up at a young age.” Shoving my hands in my pockets, I shrugged. “I’m twenty-two, I’m really not a kid anymore.” Peering around the corner towards the family room where Jude waited, I added, “Love made me stronger. It gave me something to fight for when I didn’t have anything else.”
My dad didn’t reply.
Forcing a bright smile, I brushed past him. “Let’s eat.”
Chapter Thirty One
The summer was going by insanely fast and before I knew it, it was the end of June and I was helping my best friend into her wedding dress.
Rowan Sinclair was thirty minutes away from becoming Rowan Wentworth.
I was nervous, so I had no doubt that she was.
“I’m scared,” Rowan admitted, as she stared at her reflection. It was almost as if she’d picked up on my thoughts.
“Me too, and it’s not even my wedding,” I laughed. “But this is Trent and you love him more than anything. Everything will be okay.”
“My heart’s racing so fast.” She breathed as I stepped away to make sure the dress was on properly. “I’m terrified, but at the same time I’m so ready to be his wife.” She turned to look at me and tears shimmered in her eyes. I prayed she didn’t start crying and mess up her makeup—the makeup artist would probably kill us. “I’m ready to take that next step with him.”
I soaked in her words, words I’d been repeating in my head as of late.
While Jude and I had only been together for a few months, it felt like forever and I knew I would never want another man like I wanted him. I was still scared to take that leap, but I felt ready.
Rowan sat down and I fixed the diamond pin in her hair. Her hair had been curled in an elegant up-do. Olivia and mine had been done in a loose fishtail side braid—casual, but elegant.
Ivy was currently getting the finishing touches put on her hair. Even though she declared that she was too old she was going to be the flower girl.
Olivia sat in the corner rocking a fussy Grace.
“I swear,” Olivia groaned, grabbing Grace’s small fist before she could yank on her braid, “Grace only likes her daddy. She cries almost every time I hold her.” She frowned, straightening Grace’s peach colored dress that matched the shade of ours.
“Aw,” Rowan frowned, “you know that’s not true.”
Olivia’s eyes widened and she laughed. “Oh no, it’s true. She’s a very cranky baby, but Trace can work some kind of voodoo mind magic on her. I call him the baby whisperer.” With a smile, Olivia asked Rowan, “So, when should we expect baby number two?”