I wished I had been strong enough to stop it, to stand up for myself, but I hadn’t. The one person I should’ve been able to trust, took my powers and my choices away from me. I wished I had done things differently, but I hadn’t, and now I’d have to spend my whole life suffering for one wrong decision.
“Rowan?”
“Leave me alone!” I screamed at him. “Just leave me alone!”
A part of me wanted to stand up and run into his arms, to let him comfort me, but he was the last person I deserved comfort from.
I leaned my head back, looking up at the blue sky, wishing I could disappear into the clouds so I didn’t have to deal with this pain.
“Rowan,” he said my name softly, placing his hand on my shoulder, “please get back in the car.”
“I can’t,” my voice cracked. I don’t deserve to. I don’t deserve you.
“Yes, you can.” He was so calm with me. There was no anger in his tone, only concern.
If he knew what I had done he wouldn’t be talking so sweetly to me. He’d leave me here to let my sins eat me alive.
“Please, come back to the car,” he pleaded, like he was talking to someone who was about to jump off a building to their death.
I inhaled the cold air, letting it sear my lungs.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
“Okay.”
???
I refused to look at Trenton or even speak to him as we drove to his family’s home. When he asked if I wanted to go home and skip the party, I shook my head no. It was selfish of me, but I wanted this last night with him. I would need it to carry me through the rest of my lonely existence.
My fingers twisted together as he turned down the unmarked road that led to his family’s mansion.
“Rowan?” He said my name hesitantly, like he was afraid I’d start yelling again.
I had news for him, I was too tired to scream and yell. My breakdown had drained me of energy.
I nodded, letting him know he could continue with what he had to say.
“Whatever happened to you, we can fix it,” he whispered, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.
“There is no fixing this.” I stared straight ahead, biting down on my tongue. “This isn’t something that can just be undone, Trenton.”
“I don’t know that though!” He raised his voice. “You refuse to tell me what it is, so I have no way of knowing what I can do!”
The trees disappeared and I saw the mansion up ahead, its large lawn covered in snow, but the driveway clear.
“Let it go, Trenton,” I warned. “I mean it.”
He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he pushed a button and pulled his car into the garage.
“How do you ever expect us to have a lasting relationship if you’re keeping secrets?”
I don’t.
I didn’t say anything. I simply opened the car door and got out. I wrapped my arms protectively around my chest.
Trent got out too, slamming the car door closed. He crossed his arms and rested them on the hood of the car. He watched me carefully, not saying a word. With a sigh, he shook his head, looking away from me.
He grabbed our suitcases and wheeled them to the door. “Come on,” he flicked his hand for me to follow.