I knew at Ivy’s age she was perfectly capable of making a sandwich, but I didn’t want her to have to do that. I wanted her to be a child, to know that I’d always be there to make everything better. I didn’t want her to have to be…me.
I smiled in Ivy’s direction, and she frowned, feeling like she’d done something wrong.
“That was very nice of you, Ivy,” I hastened to add. “If you two are okay without me for a bit, I’m going to shower.”
Ivy nodded. “We’ll be okay.”
She didn’t know it, but those three words hurt. It made me feel like they’d be just fine without me. Maybe I was being selfish by thinking they needed me.
I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a loose shirt from my bedroom, locking myself in the bathroom. I leaned against the door, wondering why a stupid sandwich had made me upset. It wasn’t the sandwich, but what it represented—that life went on without me around.
I sunk to the floor, resting my head on my knees.
One thought lingered in my mind.
Nobody needs me.
???
I wasn’t surprised to see Trenton waiting beside my car when I left school. I had come to expect him to pop up wherever—and why would he stop now?
“Hi,” I said hesitantly. After my breakdown last night, my emotions were raw and I wasn’t ready to see him. I knew Trent would pick up on something being wrong and another day to quiet my mind would have been welcome.
“Coffee, Rice Krispie Treat,” he held each out for me to take.
Despite my efforts, I smiled, taking the items from him. “Is this going to become a daily occurrence?” I questioned.
He grinned, flipping his nearly black hair out of his eyes. “Sure. It gives me an excuse to see you until I go back to school. Let’s not talk about that, though,” he seemed to sense my discomfort at the mention of him being away at school. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Fine.” I brought the coffee cup to my lips and tried not to drop the Rice Krispie Treat. I was determined to actually eat this one. Since it wasn’t a very cold day I hopped up on the trunk of my car and tapped the empty space next to me. Trent quickly took the spot beside me, the car bouncing from the momentum. A small laugh escaped me. He kicked his legs out, and for once seemed unsure what to say.
“Today was your last day of classes?” He asked as I set the coffee cup between us and ripped the wrapper off the treat.
I nodded, taking a bite—and oh my God it was the best thing I’d ever tasted. I hadn’t had one of these in forever. I was beginning to regret not eating the one from yesterday.
“I never have asked you what you’re studying,” he probed me for answers.
“Nursing,” I answered around a mouthful of food, using my hand to hide my mouth.
His eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t expect that.”
“Why not?” I asked, finishing the last of the Rice Krispie Treat and licking my fingers clean.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. “It just doesn’t seem very…you.”
His statement didn’t offend me. When I’d known him I’d been convinced I was destined for bigger and better things. I’d been interested in acting…oh, how dreams change when life gets in the way.
“And what seems like me?” I countered, picking up the coffee cup once more and holding it between my hands.
He peered at my thoughtfully. “Teacher…yeah, I could see you as a teacher. You’re good with kids. I remember watching you with your sister once, Ivy, right?” When I nodded, he continued. “I thought I’d never seen anyone handle a little kid so well before. You’ll make a great mom one day, Row,” he looked at me wistfully.
I glanced away and out to the parking lot. I didn’t want to talk about this.
I brought the lid of the coffee cup to my lips and let the warm liquid heat my suddenly bone-chilled body.
“Did I say something wrong?”
I turned to look at him and shook my head.