I was trapped and I was slowly being suffocated by all of it.
Sooner or later everything would catch up with me and I’d willingly let it consume me.
???
“Hi, mom,” I said when I walked into the house. I closed and locked the door behind me.
I turned, glaring at her passed out form. Every single day of my life it was the same routine. I was always talking to the equivalent of a corpse. She was here in body, and that was it. Even when she was awake she was drunk.
“Row! Row!” I dropped my bags down as my little siblings came running at me.
“Hey,” I opened my arms wide, hugging them tightly. They were the only two things in this world that kept me going. “How was school?” I asked them, smoothing my fingers through Ivy’s light brown hair and then ruffli
ng Tristan’s.
“It was okay,” Ivy’s pale pink lips turned down in a frown.
“I got a gold star,” Tristan pointed proudly to the sticker adorning his chest.
“Awesome!” I gave him a high five. “What did you do to get that?” I tickled his stomach lightly, making him giggle.
“I got an A on my spelling test!”
“Well, Tristan,” I hugged him again, inhaling the scent of his shampoo, “you’re the smartest kindergartener I know. Have you guys eaten?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
They shook their heads no and I sighed in disgust. If my mom didn’t have me…I feared what would happen to Ivy and Tristan.
“Come on then,” I stood taking each of their hands. “I’ll make us dinner. You guys can help me.”
“I like helping,” Tristan beamed up at me. His smile always managed to break my heart.
“I know you do,” I lifted him onto the counter and then did the same with Ivy. She was only three years older than Tristan, and getting a bit too big for me to be lifting her, but I didn’t mind. Most days, I felt more like their mother than their sister. I fed them. I bathed them. I packed their lunches. I looked after them. I loved them. It was more than my mom had ever done for them or me.
There wasn’t much food in the house so our options for dinner were limited.
“How’s macaroni sound?” I pulled out a box of Spongebob shaped noodles and shook the box.
“Yay!” They cheered. I was lucky that they were such easy to please kids.
I put water on to boil and crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned against the counter. “Who’s going to pour the macaroni into the pot?” I asked.
Tristan enthusiastically raised his hand.
“It’s Tristan’s turn,” Ivy agreed with a sad shake of her head. “I did it last time.”
“That’s nice of you, Ivy,” I smiled at the little girl. “You can stir the cheese in. Would you like that?”
She brightened, smiling widely. Several of her baby teeth had fallen out, making her adorably awkward looking. “I’m a good stirrer.”
“Yes, you are,” I leaned over, kissing the top of her head.
“Row! Row! The water!” Tristan pointed enthusiastically at the water beginning to boil.
I opened the box of macaroni and removed the packet of powdered cheese. I handed him the box and lifted him onto my hip so he could pour the noodles into the water.
He watched in fascination as the bubbles hid the noodles from sight.
“How long till it’s ready? I’m hungry,” he pouted as I sat him back on the counter.