Raine dragged in a breath, trying to decide how to ask her questions. “If I go back to Shadows, what are my obligations?”
“To Liam?” He shrugged. “Nothing. He uncollared you. That makes you fresh meat, and I’m pretty sure all the lions will circle now. Hammer’s threat probably won’t keep the beasts away for long.”
She doubted anyone would want to take on a mess like her after she’d put Liam through the wringer, but it wasn’t important. “What are my options?”
“You can do whatever you want. Are you looking for another Dom?”
The bowl of chips suddenly looked really interesting. Okay, so she couldn’t meet Beck’s gaze.
Raine bit her lip. “I think I need one.”
“I think you do, too.”
So she’d gotten that part right. The affirmation was nice, but it was the rest that stumped her. “What do I do?”
“Who do you want?” He held up a hand. “Let me rephrase that. Who do you think is most equipped to help you?”
If she could open up, both Liam and Hammer knew exactly how to reach her, but with so much history—and so much of it bad—would they? Obviously, Beck thought so, but…
Sifting through her other options, she forced herself to look at him. “Would you do it?”
“No.” His answer was so swift and emphatic, it stunned her.
“Can I ask why?”
“Sure. I like my balls where they are. Hammer would kill me. Liam would bury me. I like you, princess, but…no.”
“But we wouldn’t be sexual. In fact, it’s better if it’s not.”
“It wouldn’t matter. They couldn’t handle seeing you give your power to me.”
And she’d likely drive a wedge between Hammer and Beck, too. “I’m sorry. It was unfair of me to ask.”
“No, it was logical. You need help; I could help you. It burns me to say no, but at the end of the day you need someone who doesn’t mind losing their balls and who doesn’t want to fuck you more than they want to help you.”
“You’re right.”
But who?
“Look, you need to really give yourself in a way you never have. I get that you’re going to have a hard time with trust. After what I saw yesterday, I totally get it. And by the way, I wanted to shoot the son of a bitch for trying to rape you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ancient history, and I need to put it in the past, but thanks.”
Beck nodded. “You already know Dominance and submission isn’t about sex, but exchanging power. You, as a sub, give your control over to the Dom, who takes, treasures, and molds it into something that will complete you. When you finally start giving yourself in return, you’ll find the beauty. The reward will be worth the struggle. But no one can fulfill your deepest needs until you let them know you inside and out, deep down, to the tiniest recesses of your heart.”
“I’m not so good at that.” She winced.
“Think of it this way… I wouldn’t go to the tire store and buy half a tire because I wouldn’t get anywhere on it. With submission, if you’re not willing to give your all, then like that tire, you’ll be at a standstill, princess. It’s all up to you.”
Their waitress delivered the enchiladas, and they dug in. Beck bought dinner. Raine chewed on his advice. As they walked to the parking lot, the crisp wind whipped through her hair. But it was good to feel alive and finally have direction. “I know what to do.”
Liam sat at the bar with Seth and Hammer, barely listening to their chatter. Another pointless day of waiting and worrying weighed upon him. If he had to spend another hour twiddling his thumbs, he’d go stir-crazy. Why hadn’t Raine returned? Or at least contacted him? It was driving him batshit mad.
The numerous texts Hammer had exchanged with Beck hadn’t shed a speck of light on her location—or her thoughts. The fucking evasive wanker just kept saying that he wouldn’t break her confidence. What gave him the right to keep Raine away? Liam ached. Five minutes alone with her—that’s all he wanted so he could figure out what rolled around in her head.
He sighed and eyed the bottle of water in front of him. Ten thirty. Night had long ago fallen. The club was closed on Sundays, and the unsettling quiet scraped him raw. Raine probably wasn’t coming back tonight. The agony of being shut out of her heart and life wrenched him, and it looked like he had another day of hell coming.
Liam’s only consolation was that Hammer obviously shared his pain. That didn’t give him the satisfaction he’d imagined. The man wore his worry in the lines of his face and the dark circles under his hazel eyes, which matched the baggage under his own. Liam drained his water. There was no hiding the fact that neither of them was getting much sleep.