I wasn’t gay.
I knew that.
I wasn’t bi either. Jett had kissed me once when we were cadets at West Point. We’d been on break and had gone to a bar for his twenty-first birthday. He’d gotten pretty hammered and before I’d even realized it, he’d called me hot and then he’d kissed me.
I’d actually kissed him back for a few seconds, but I hadn’t felt anything in particular. It’d been fine, but there’d been no sparks, no tightening in my belly, and my dick hadn’t particularly perked up, not like it usually did with women.
Usually, but not always.
I’d always passed off my lack of interest in sex as just a byproduct of being busy and focused on my career. Yes, there’d been some girls in high school and later some women here and there, but they’d all been take-it-or-leave-it kind of things. Not having a raging libido just hadn’t been something I’d been overly concerned about.
With Jett, I’d gently ended the kiss and taken him home. Fortunately, he’d been too drunk to make another pass at me or even remember it the following day.
But as I stood watching Isaac, I couldn’t help but remember that my libido had been working just fine at the motel. And yes, Isaac could most definitely be called beautiful, despite his odd look, and he had some features that seemed more feminine than masculine, but there was nothing in my mind that saw him as a woman. I had no illusions about what was behind the zipper of his skinny jeans.
The idea that I might be attracted to him seemed ludicrous to me, but I also wasn’t going to make excuses for it. I’d lived my entire life taking things as they came. My parents had thrived on labels and appearances and expectations while using drugs and alcohol to hide from everything that had been real in their lives.
Whatever this thing with Isaac was, it was irrelevant.
I moved until I was standing just behind him. I expected him to respond to my presence, but he seemed not to notice me, and I figured it was because all his attention was on Newt and Nolan where they were standing near Gentry’s enclosure. The enclosure had two fences, and usually Nolan played along the inner fence for the bear. But today he was outside both fences and I suspected it was because of Newt. Although Gentry hadn’t shown any kind of aggression that I’d ever seen, putting a child anywhere near him would have been irresponsible to say the least, even with adult supervision and a fence separating them.
Nolan was helping Newt hold the violin as Newt carefully moved his little fingers over the appropriate chords and then moved the bow along the strings. The song was played painstakingly slow, but the notes were clear, and I recognized the song for what it was.
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.
The song lasted a good two minutes and I was surprised to see that Gentry had lain down at the far end of the enclosure and was watching Nolan and Newt. Usually, the traumatized animal was pacing the length of the fence. Sawyer had explained to me that the attack on the animal by Jimmy Cornell and his friends had left the formerly abused bear with new physical and mental wounds, and it would take a long time for the animal to heal from them.
I watched Isaac as Isaac watched Newt. From my position, I couldn’t see his face, but his failure to stay still told me he was going through something. I watched as he put his arms around his body as if trying to give himself a hug. I actually found myself moving closer to him before I caught myself.
What was it about the young man that made it seem like he was always just barely hanging on? With the way he’d laid into me at the motel, there was nothing weak about him.
Well, not true.
He’d cried when I’d handed him the money that had been meant to cover the cash he’d lost. I had no clue what he charged to let guys use him, but there’d been more than a thousand dollars in that wad of cash. I would have gladly given him more if it meant he never had to even think about getting on his knees for the likes of Arthur Tomlinson again.
But all I’d done was hurt him even more.
“Didya see?” Newt suddenly shouted as he practically shoved the violin at Nolan and began racing up the path toward Isaac.
“I saw!” Isaac responded. I could hear the pride in his voice.
Newt stopped after just a couple of feet when his eyes landed on me. I hated the wariness that came over him. Isaac turned around and let out a gasp when he saw me not even a foot behind him.