"Can I take this off?" Luca asked as he gave a little tug on my T-shirt. I nodded because the clothes felt heavy and uncomfortable.
Luca eased the shirt up over my head. I heard the wet fabric slap against the tile floor outside the shower. The now hot water felt good along my back. It was easier to breathe, and I ended up dropping my head to Luca’s chest. With the shower as loud as it was, I couldn’t hear the strong, steady beat of Luca’s heart, but imagining it was enough.
Luca's fingers skimmed the waistband of my sweatpants, but this time he didn't ask me for permission to remove them. He didn't really need to, either. For the first time in a very long time, probably since the time he’d strode into that dark room my captors had put me in, pulled me up off the floor, and told me everything would be okay, I felt safe. I felt like I didn't need to fight. I felt… trust.
Luca pushed the sweatpants down and shifted his own body long enough to work them off my legs. Once the heavy material was gone, he straightened and pulled me against him again. There’d been nothing sexual in the way he’d touched me as he’d undressed me, and I was glad for that. I wasn't in any position to deal with those particular emotions.
I wasn't sure how long we stayed in the shower, but when Luca turned it off and then reached for a towel and began gently drying my body, I didn't protest. I felt warm and tired and, for the moment, strangely sated. I knew I still had to deal with the news about Violet, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. When Luca was finished drying me, he wrapped a fresh towel around my waist and then took my hand. But we didn't go back to my room.
And truthfully, I was glad about that.
I probably should have been concerned when he led me to his room, then his bed, but I was relieved. It was what I wanted.
Luca got me settled under his covers, but he didn't join me. I was about to tell him it was okay when he suddenly turned his back to me and lowered his soaked sweats. The sight of his naked backside had me clapping my mouth shut. The man was absolutely beautiful. I'd never actually fucked a guy because none of my tricks had ever wanted that, but I couldn't deny the thoughts that went through my brain as I wondered what it would be like to push myself into Luca's gorgeous body. I felt my skin heat as I imagined the sounds he'd make as I took him.
Luca seemed oblivious to my perusal of him as he moved to the dresser and found a fresh pair of sweats. I got a brief glimpse of his half-hard cock as he pulled the material up. My mouth, which had been watering just minutes before for a hit of heroin, began to fill for a whole other reason. I'd never particularly liked blowing a guy, but I had a feeling I wouldn't have that same problem with Luca.
Luca returned to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. "How are you feeling?" he asked. His concern for me made me feel like an idiot. While I’d been drooling over him, he’d been worried about my mental well-being. I couldn’t really blame him, considering how I’d behaved.
I nodded because somehow saying the word "better" seemed too simplistic.
He reached out to touch my face, much like he had when I’d been in my own bed. I didn't know what to make of his expression as he studied me. But I did know that my lips started to tingle in anticipation. The feeling apparently wasn’t mutual because he dropped his hand a moment later and said, "I'll be right over there if you need me." He pointed to a chair in the corner of the room.
The thought that he had no plans to sleep with me caused a streak of self-doubt a mile wide to go through me. Maybe that kiss tonight hadn't been what I thought it had. Maybe he'd only been indulging me. Or if he hadn't, maybe now that he'd seen me in full-on mental breakdown mode, his interest in me just wasn't there. I tried to remind myself that was a good thing, but when Luca stood, I grabbed his hand before he could walk away.
My throat felt too tight to actually speak, so I willed him to understand like he had so many times in the past. I didn't want to be alone. It was as simple as that. And him being on the other side of the room would make it feel like there was a crater between us.