I held on to him, even though I couldn't look him in the eye. I held my breath for the many long seconds it took for him to move. And it was all I could do not to let out a cry of relief when he pulled the covers back and began to climb into the bed with me. I shifted to give him enough room but put my back to him. It was ridiculous because I was the one who’d wanted him to stay with me, but now that he was there, I didn't know what to do.
Thankfully, Luca made the decision for me and pressed himself up against my back. His body felt hot and I loved how his warm skin slid over mine. I was still wearing the towel, but we were both naked from the waist up. His left arm wrapped around my waist while his right one snaked beneath my head so I was lying on it rather than the pillow.
"Go to sleep, Remy. We'll talk in the morning."
I wanted to tell him that the last thing I wanted was to sleep. But I also wanted everything to be figured out so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore, wouldn't have to worry about it or fight it or obsess over it. I just wanted things to be easy for once. My thoughts drifted to Gio and I instantly felt shame. The teenager didn't have it easy and probably never would. And neither would his father. And there were thousands of other kids out there who hadn’t made it home and never would. Compared to them, I did have it easy.
I could feel the anxiety starting to build again as I considered all the ways I’d failed to live my life in the past two years. That same feeling of not deserving the things I’d been given, like my job and my apartment, started to consume me. "Luca," I whispered brokenly. I loved that he knew something was wrong. He might not have understood the details, but he knew just by the way I said his name that I wasn't okay yet.
"Tell me what you need, sweetheart," Luca murmured from behind me. His fingers began rubbing circles into my skin.
"Tell me something about you that no one else knows," I croaked.
I swore I felt his lips skim the back of my neck right before he said, "I used to write Harry Potter fanfic."
"Liar," I automatically said. I couldn't help but be a little disappointed.
"I swear on all things Muggle," Luca responded, his voice light and soft and holding a hint of amusement. His lips pressed a kiss to the soft spot right behind my ear and I promptly forgot what we were even talking about.
"I had a thing for Harry," Luca continued. Between his hand rubbing my abdomen and his mouth moving over my neck, I was having a hard time coming up with any kind of response. But when he said, "and Draco Malfoy," I forced myself back to the task at hand.
"Fine," I breathed as I tried to will my body not to react to his sensual touch. I absolutely would not survive the embarrassment if he realized what the contact was doing to me. As someone who'd been with plenty of guys, I should've known how to guard my reactions better. But Luca wasn't just some guy. He was only trying to comfort me, and I needed to remember that. "Tell me some of it," I challenged.
"Harry's body quaked with excitement as Draco moved closer, his huge wand in hand. God, how he wanted to feel Draco's wand for himself."
I turned around in Luca’s arms so quickly, I ended up hitting him in the chin in the process. He had to be messing with me. "You wrote gay Harry Potter fanfic?" I asked in disbelief.
Luca rubbed his chin, but I barely noticed because my eyes were caught on the faint smile on his face. "I was seventeen and horny for guys," he murmured. His hand skidded over my hip and I could feel him toying with the edge of the towel. “And I had a thing for nerds.”
"Oh my God, you're serious," I said.
"I had quite the following," Luca added with a grin. "I wasn't the only one who wanted to see Harry end up with the bad boy instead of that annoying Weasley chick. Hell, Harry and Ron would've been a hotter couple."
I shook my head because he’d left me completely and utterly speechless. Never in a million years would I have guessed he had a lighter side like this. Or that he'd use it to make me feel better. The reminder of why we were there in the first place was a punch to the gut, but I set it aside and wrapped my arms around Luca, no longer caring that there was so much skin touching. How had I ever thought this man was cold and aloof and unfeeling?