Five hours was both a lot of time and not enough. Because while I hadn’t needed much time to make the decision to leave Seattle for good, I’d had plenty of time to think about what it would be like to try to start over again. When I’d done it the first time when I’d left Seattle to go to school on the east coast, I’d chosen to see it as a new adventure. This time around, I’d be leaving behind so much more than bad choices. Leaving the family I’d wanted to be a part of more than anything would cripple me. But leaving Mav…I had no way to even describe what that was going to do to me. He’d become the one person I could be myself around. Who would I be now?
“Eli, we’re here,” I heard Mav say and I looked up from where I’d been staring blankly out the window. I’d glanced at my watch when the pilot had announced that we were beginning our descent into Newark, but I didn’t remember anything after that. I was lucky Mav hadn’t decided to just leave me sitting there.
My fingers felt numb as I worked the seat belt loose. I grabbed my bag from the seat next to me and stood. Mav hadn’t moved and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t and he finally turned and left the plane. I steeled myself for what was to come and followed him.
When I got off the plane, I saw Mav standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes on a man standing about a hundred yards away, a big SUV right behind him. The two men stared at each other for a long time. The other man’s expression was unreadable from where I stood, but I didn’t miss the tension in Mav’s frame. When I reached him, he glanced at me and then began walking forward. I stayed a few steps behind and watched the interaction when Mav reached the other man. They studied each other for a long time before the other man put out his hand. Mav hesitated and then extended his arm, but their handshake wasn’t traditional. Instead of grabbing each other’s hands, their hands wrapped around each other’s forearms and held there for a long moment. Then the stranger smiled and stepped forward to wrap his other arm around Mav and pat him on the back. It wasn’t a lover’s embrace, but rather one of brothers.
When they stepped back, the other man’s eyes fell on me and then shifted back to Mav.
“Mace, this is Eli Galvez. Eli, this is Mace Calhoun. We used to work together.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I murmured as I held out my hand. I hated that Mav hadn’t even attached the nondescript moniker of “friend” to me when he’d introduced me.
Because we weren’t even that. I was a good fuck, nothing more, I reminded myself.
“It’s nice to meet you, Eli,” Mace said as he shook my hand. “I wish it could have been under more pleasant circumstances,” he added as his gaze shifted back to Mav. “We don’t have to do this right away,” Mace said to Mav. “I can take you to your hotel-”
“No,” Mav interjected with a shake of his head. “I need to get this over with.”
Mace nodded and then reached for my and Mav’s bags. He stowed them in the back of the SUV while I climbed into the backseat and Mav sat up front in the passenger seat. None of us spoke as we made the twenty-minute journey to the Coroner’s office, but I did hear Mace make a call to tell someone named Detective Adams that we were on our way. I’d purposefully chosen the seat behind Mace so I could watch Mav as we drove and the closer we got to our destination, the more rigid his frame became. By the time Mace was parking the car, Mav’s jaw looked like it was going to crack from the pressure.
I followed Mav and Mace into the building and ultimately the basement where it was considerably cooler than the upstairs had been. A portly man in a cheap suit was waiting for us, file folder in hand.
“Mr. James?” the man said as he extended his hand. We’d stopped in front of a large glass window that was covered with a curtain on the inside. I knew exactly what was on the other side of that curtain and I felt my stomach roll.
“Yes,” Mav said stiffly as he shook the man’s hand.
“I’m Detective Adams. I’ve been assigned to this case.”
Mav nodded and I barely noticed when both Mace and I were introduced to the man because I was focused on how Mav’s eyes had shifted to the window. I ached to touch him, to tell him that everything would be okay.