“Sure,” I managed to say, but my brain was working in overdrive as I realized how badly I’d fucked this up. My plan had been to just watch Eli from a distance as I’d been doing from the moment I’d dropped him off three days earlier. The rental car had made surveillance easier and had allowed me to grab a couple of hours of sleep here and there while Eli was volunteering at the hospital. Since I couldn’t have eyes on him in the hospital, I’d asked Hawke to make sure Eli didn’t walk unaccompanied to his car each day and while the other man hadn’t questioned my request, I hadn’t missed the curiosity in his voice when he’d agreed. I hadn’t told Ronan or anyone for that matter that I’d forgone my vacation so that I could keep eyes on Eli since I didn’t want to have to explain my motives to anyone. Hell, I didn’t want to have to explain them to myself. But when Hawke had called me an hour ago to tell me how upset Eli had seemed after he'd told Eli he wasn’t sure if I was coming back to Seattle, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from interacting with him again.
The tension in the air was stiff and awkward and I was desperate to get Eli talking again. And if I was lucky, smiling too.
“Why the volunteering?”
Eli glanced at me and I clarified, “Why are you volunteering in the ICS unit at the hospital?”
“I was thinking about pursuing pediatric oncology as a specialty. One of my professors at Johns Hopkins suggested I work with the kids a little bit before deciding for sure. Mentally and emotionally speaking, it’s one of the hardest specialties out there.”
“So why pursue it?” I asked.
Eli paused in what he was doing, but didn’t face me. “Kids like Matty, they have to be so strong, you know? They need as many people in their corner as they can get. I want to be one of those people.”
I glanced at the Spiderman doll Eli had put down on the kitchen table.
“That kid,” I said with a chuckle as I reached for the doll.
I caught Eli watching me as I studied the doll. “How do you know him? Matty and his family, I mean.”
“Hawke and I work together,” I hedged.
Eli turned to face me, but instead of asking what I did, he said, “Hawke said Matty might be in danger.”
“It’s just a precaution. Chances are the friends of the guys who tried to hurt him and Tate and Hawke won’t try anything. We’re just covering all the bases.”
“Were you there?”
Since I had to be careful about how much I said, I merely nodded. But inside my gut was churning because to this day, the memory of having to throw my knife just inches over Matty’s head so it could divert the path of the bullet that had been meant for Hawke left me cold inside. Hawke had done his part to make sure Matty didn’t move, but it had still been way too close.
“That kid idolizes you,” Eli said and I was surprised when he came up to me and took the doll from my hand and examined it. “I like how he calls you Thor.”
“I know,” I said with a laugh. “It’s the hair,” I added.
Eli didn’t join me in the joke. Instead he looked at my hair and then dropped his eyes to mine. “No, it’s not.”
My insides tightened at that and I was tempted to drag him down on my lap again. Better yet, I wanted to lay him down on the table and feast on every part of his body.
“Why did he give him to you?” I asked as I motioned to the doll in the hopes of distracting myself from my thoughts.
“I think he thought I was sad.”
“Were you?”
Eli’s eyes shifted to me for a moment before returning to the doll. “He’s observant, isn’t he? For someone so young.” That was all I got before Eli carried the doll over to the kitchen counter and set him near the coffee pot. We didn’t speak again until he’d put the food in the oven. He grabbed himself a beer from the fridge and dropped down in the chair next to mine. “Can I ask you something?”
I nodded.
“The words you spoke to me in the garage. What language was that?”
I stiffened at the unexpected question. It was a part of my life I never talked about and even the idea of bringing it up now made me feel sick. Eli seemed to notice my discomfort because he quickly said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.” His body went stiff with tension and I could see him shutting down so when he made a move to get up, I grabbed his hand to keep him from moving.