Abbot did. “My apologies, my lord.”
“Estelle told her about Sarah. Who told Estelle?” he said, narrowed eyes fixed on his manservant.
“I did, my lord.” Abbot’s shoulders slumped. “I will leave immediately.”
Nic was tempted to take him at his word, but Abbot had been with him a very long time, and frankly he didn’t know what he’d do without his craggy-faced manservant. Who would tell him the truth and pull him up when he was acting childishly? Who would have the courage to approach him when he was in one of his bad tempers? Who would comfort him if Olivia refused to have him back? No, Abbot must stay.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Abbot,” he said. “I need you, you’re staying.”
Abbot blinked, and then bowed his acquiescence. “Eh, yes, my lord.”
“We have to return to Castle Lacey, but first I will visit Jonah and his mother. See to the packing and so on. We’ll set off as soon as I get back.”
“You can rely on me, my lord.”
“I know I can, Abbot. That’s why I need you. Thank you.”
He remounted his horse and rode off, leaving Abbot staring after his master, openmouthed.
As Olivia had expected, Castle Lacey was empty apart from a skeleton staff of servants. Estelle said little during the journey, but Olivia didn’t mind that—she didn’t want to talk. She’d tried to sleep but kept waking up suddenly and wondering where she was, and then she’d remember all over again.
She asked herself how she was going to bear it. Because each time she remembered, it hurt a little more. She loved Nic…she had loved Nic. She’d thought she had everything she wanted—with a single-minded determination she’d pursued her dream. Dominic Lacey loved her and she’d truly believed that, but now she wondered how she could have been so deluded. If he truly loved her, how could he have lied to her about this?
Her parents had lied, too, but somehow she could accept their need for respectability and the success of her father’s business. They lived in a world where Sarah’s fall from grace would be worse than her death.
Nic’s lies were worse.
Eventually the coach reached the castle and started up the long drive, rumbling slowly past the gatehouse. Olivia didn’t want to talk with Lady Lacey, she didn’t want to talk with anyone, and as soon as they drew to a stop, she rushed inside and up the grand staircase to her rooms, and closed the door.
Most of the second-story east wing rooms were hers, as well as the east tower. Traditionally they always belonged to the bride of the current Lord Lacey, and were elegantly furnished and decorated. Olivia had loved them on first sight, and now she felt her shoulders relax and her breathing slow as she made her way to the narrow stone stairs that led up to the tower room.
The first time Nic had shown her this room they’d spoken about it.
“Many Lady Laceys have sat up here bemoaning their fate, or else watching for their lovers,” he’d told her, smiling.
“Why not watching for their husbands? Surely some of these ladies were happily married, Nic?”
He smiled. “A very few, my romantic Olivia.”
“Well, if I sit here, I promise you, it will be to watch for you.”
“As long as you watch for me, I will come home to you,” he’d said, and he’d kissed her.
At the time the words lodged in her heart, warming her. Now, remembering them, tears stung her eyes and she blinked furiously, determined not to weep again. She’d shed enough tears over Wicked Nic; it was time she thought of herself.
The tower room was furnished as a sitting room, and there was a window seat groaning with cushions and bolsters. Olivia sat down, cuddling among them, drawing a warm rug about her. Outside the small glass panes the estate spread out before her, and she could see the rooftops of Bassingthorpe and the blunt tower of the church where she had been married. Her childhood home wasn’t visible, the trees of the woods hid it from view, but she knew where it was.
Emotion swelled within her, threatening to burst out, and she clenched her fists to hold it in. Everything she’d believed in was a lie. She felt as if the family portrait she’d been treasuring all these years had suddenly peeled and cracked and now showed a completely different group of people in a foreign world.
Now Olivia remembered her wish to live her life to the full, as if it was the desire of another woman, someone she hardly knew. Well, she’d had her wish. The trouble was, try as she might to regret the days and weeks and months spent with Nic, she couldn’t.
He might have torn out her heart, but she loved him still.
Suddenly the emotions she’d been holding in overwhelmed her, and she crumpled against the silken cushions, weeping uncontrollably, her shoulders shaking and her chest heaving. Olivia cried until she was exhausted, and then, at last, she slept.
Estelle had shed a great many tears on the journey home, stifling her sobs in the folds of her wool cloak. She was drained now. She went about her tasks without a word, putting away Lady Lacey’s clothing and sorting through the garments needing cleaning.
Olivia was upstairs in the tower room. Estelle had peeped in on her