He nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry. I was going to wait and meet you at the house, but I had to see you now. I had to tell you.”
Thank God he didn’t come to the house, I thought. How would I explain Tucker to him? And if Tucker went off on him like he had on Stark, then what? No, I had to keep Rick and Tucker apart.
“I thought you were in Omaha,” I said.
He nodded. “I am, but I want to come back. I only left because I knew people would hate me for leaving you. I hate me for leaving you.”
I studied him wondering if that was true. Then again, why would he be here if it wasn’t true? There was no other reason for him to be back. There was a part of me that felt vindicated that he was here. His leaving had left me feeling so unlovable and so alone. And while Tucker had filled that void, Tucker wasn’t someone I could count on forever. Rick’s returning with his tail between his legs gave me a boost in self-esteem.
“I have some things I still need to take care of in Omaha, but I’ll be back to see you soon. If I have to start over with you, I will.” He shook his head. “Of course, I have to. I need to prove myself, and I will, if you let me. I’m not going to give up so easily this time.”
Give up?
“You didn’t give up. You left me. At the altar. You ran off.” The humiliation of that resurged in my gut. I wanted to hit him and make him feel my pain.
He shook his head and looked down in shame. “I know. I was…scared, I guess. Marriage is a big deal and…I don’t know…I guess I got cold fee
t. I wish I’d stuck it out.”
“Stuck it out.” That wasn’t very romantic. I knew my time was running out to have a marriage that included children, but I didn’t want a man who saw being with me as “sticking it out.” I wanted someone to love me and want to build life with me.
“I wish we’d gotten married. Maybe we’d even be expecting by now.” He smiled.
We’d talked about starting a family right away after we got married. I’d even gone off the pill thinking it would be so romantic to get pregnant on our honeymoon. What a dope I was. I’m not even sure why I went back on it considering at the time I felt like my world was over where love was concerned. As it turned out, the pill was convenient in planning the monthly cycle, so I went back on it and thank goodness I did the way Tucker and I went at each other.
“We could still have that, Holly. A life and family,” Rick finished.
My stomach clenched. Why hadn’t he realized all he had the day of the wedding? And at the same time, a part of me was glad he hadn’t. For the first time, I began to feel like I’d dodged a bullet when he walked away. But those feelings mixed with the years of good times we’d had as well to the point that I wasn’t sure what to think or believe or feel.
“Like I said, now isn’t the time.”
“Yes. Sorry. I have to go, but I’ll be by soon. We’ll talk then.” He left my classroom and I sank into my chair. I felt sick to my stomach. What was I going to do about Rick?
Aside from Tucker, if Meredith found out about Rick and how he was the one I was supposed to be married to, what would that do to the library project? Would she think it was wrong to marry someone else so quickly? Would she find out I wasn’t really married?
God, what a mess.
For the rest of the day, my distraction came from Rick, not Tucker, which was annoying. If I was going to be lost in thought, I’d much rather be thinking of Tucker.
After school, I met Tucker at my car and we rode home together. He chatted some, but then stopped as if he knew something was up.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, turning to look out my side window.
“You seem a little distracted. Did something happen at school?”
“Everything is fine, Tucker,” I said a little too tersely.
He held his hands up in surrender. “Okay. Sorry for asking.”
I felt like a bitch, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around Rick’s return and his intensions, and how that was all going to play out with Meredith.
When we arrived home, I immediately went to my room, shutting myself in so I could think about this mess and what I needed to do about it.
21
Tucker