I was desperate for some other outcome and I was giving it everything I thought I had to change it.
“Well, I want speed with this. Keep me updated,” I barked at the poor guy on the other side of the line. There was nothing he could do besides wait for the weather to clear, exactly what I was doing here. The weather didn't care about the fact that I was dying trying to keep my hands and mind off of Maggie.
One more day, two more days, a full week like I had imagined?
I ended the call and walked out of the kitchen. Feeling restless, I walked into the living room, not realizing that Maggie was there. She was standing awkwardly by the doors that led out to the verandah. There was a plate in her hands so she had probably been eating her food while standing up which was odd. Why hadn’t she sat? Was she done with her food? Why hadn’t she taken the plate and cleaned up?
Oh, oh shit. Had she heard me on the phone?
How would you feel if the person who was your de-facto roommate for the next few days was on the phone finding a way to get away from you?
I wanted to walk up to her, but I stopped myself. What the hell was I going to tell her? It was true, I did want to get away from her, but it wasn’t for the reason she probably thought. I didn’t know how much I could stand, being there with her while trying not to touch her. I was the problem, not her. If I could find a way to be there and not want to jump her bones, then I would.
She wouldn’t want to be around me, and I didn’t want to try and make her hear me out.
If I couldn’t stay in the house, might as well get out of there. I went to the garage and turned the light on. My anger was best put to work as labor. I needed something to do so I wasn’t just sitting with these feelings in my chest. It would keep my mind off of her and work off some of that extra tension. I went inside to pack on some more layers then went back down to the garage. I found a shovel and decided to put my basic training to work.
The cars were almost completely covered. I decided to dig them out. The snowfall was light but constant. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. It was a joke and someone somewhere was laughing but I wasn’t. I moved shovel after shovel of snow, it didn’t look like it in the beginning but after a while, the fresh snow coming down was forming its own piles.
It was useless. The work that I was doing was undone in a matter of hours. I had nothing but time but that didn’t mean I enjoyed wasting it. I was sweating by the time I walked back inside. Not only was I tired from doing work that amounted to nothing after a little more snowfall but now that I wasn’t busy, my mind moved back to the woman inside who thought I hated her.
Was it even worth telling her the truth? I didn't hate her. This would have been so much easier if I did. I was avoiding her though. She drove me crazy and I didn't want to do anything else that made our relationship more complicated than it already was.
To lay it out for her, I'd have to start from the beginning, like literally my childhood. How did I even start that conversation?
You see, Maggie, there’s a reason why I’m like this and it all started because I watched my parents' relationship fall apart and my mother succumb to suicide.
Was that where I wanted to go with all this? If she had any questions, it would answer them, but I didn't want to get into it with her. It was messy and just because she knew where it came from and I knew where it came from didn’t mean it was going anywhere. This was for the best. Both of us were going to be protected this way, even though it was kind of hard at the moment.
Kind of hard was an understatement. I went upstairs and got cleaned up. Bracing myself, I headed back down for part two of whatever was in store for us today. I strolled into the kitchen and there was a plate on the kitchen counter. On it was the sandwich. Lunch.
That was considerate of her, especially since she heard me yelling on the phone about getting away from her. Even if she hated me at the moment, she liked me enough to make sure I wasn't hungry. I stood while eating it and poured myself some water. I threw a glance at the window; the snow was still coming down.
This was really it. It had taken a little while for reality to sink in, but it only just had. This was it for the foreseeable future. I was stuck and it was going to be someone else’s decision when that would end. I cleaned up after myself after lunch and then wandered out into the living room.
Maggie and I were going to be here for a little while longer and at the moment, even though she made me lunch, we were kind of on the outs. I wanted to make it up to her or else this was going to get old very fast. I started looking for her, beginning on the ground floor. The place was a pretty good size, with all the bedrooms upstairs. I imagined that it was meant for a very big extended family or multiple parties to live in at the same time.
Besides the kitchen and the living room downstairs, there was of course the garage that was accessible from inside, a bathroom and I stumbled upon what looked like a den. There was no TV like in the living room, but there was seating space and a shelf full of books and board games and toys.
I used to love board games. We used to play all the time when I was a kid. My first instinct of course would it be to go outside and find something to do, but when I couldn't, like when it was raining, my mother, father, and I would sit down and play together. When I was really young, they would let me win.
The good old days. I shook my head and stopped reminiscing because the good memories were always quickly overshadowed by the bad ones. A board game however sounded like a nice way to make peace with Maggie. Was she more of a Monopoly or a Scrabble person? I probably both and set off to find her. There was only one room on the ground floor that I had not checked out, the little study cum library. The way the cabin was decked out, it made me wonder whether there was somebody who lived here more full-term rather than just a vacation spot.
Maggie was curled up in the armchair reading a book. There was a blanket over her but I could feel how cold the room was. I walked in and I could see her trying her hardest not to pay attention to me.
“Hey,” I said, not sure whether there was a better approach.
“Hi,” she said shortly. “I left you some food in the kitchen.”
“I know, I saw it. Thank you. You okay in here?”
“Yup.” I stood there as she fidgeted under the blanket.
“It’s freezing in here, let's go into the living room.”
“No need. I'm okay.”
Think about it, she would rather sit in here with a book that she wasn't even reading, freezing her ass off than go into the living room to be warm with you.