“You should be thanking me. I just saved you some money,” I said. He laughed a little.
“I wasn’t planning on it happening this way. I didn’t assume that
we would be trying to conceive the natural way,” he said, or something like that. I was already walking out of there. “Brenna. Brenna where are you going?”
I walked out of the room. I didn’t want to hear him. His voice, presence and this place all disgusted me. I was nervous being here before but now I couldn’t stand being in this place. I had thought about what it would mean to be pregnant with Charlie’s baby. I knew that it would be hard but that I had to do this. I needed the money and I was already bound by contract. I couldn’t let what happened between Charlie and me seven years ago get in the middle of what I had to do.
The fact that I was getting pregnant artificially instead of, you know, the natural way comforted me. I knew I could have some distance from the whole thing. I wouldn’t feel like the baby was ‘ours’ or even mine. I could carry the baby like it was my job, have them at the end of nine months and then walk away when all this was over.
That moment in the limo was never supposed to happen and now I could never forget it.
15
Charles
“Brenna, please,” I said, walking after her out of the center. She was upset. She ignored me walking towards the limo. She stepped into it and slammed the door behind her. We had just heard that she wouldn’t have to go through an extraction or insemination, arguably good news, but she was upset with me.
I opened the door and climbed in after her. She was in her seat, arms crossed, sulking. It was kind of cute, but I was smart enough not to say that.
“We’re probably going to have to book another appointment to talk to the doctor,” I said.
“I thought we were done already. I’m pregnant, right?” she said. “I can't believe you ride around in this thing. Why don’t you take the subway like a normal New Yorker? I don’t know how the hell they do it in England but this ain’t it, pal,” she said.
I held back. She was taking this in a completely different way than I was. I was thrilled that she was pregnant. That was what I wanted from the start of course. I didn’t think that the time in the limo would be it. I mean, we didn’t use condoms but I figured maybe she was on something. A woman who was presumably single in New York City? It made sense at the time. I don’t know. I wasn’t usually that reckless. I didn’t sleep with women in the back of my limo and I usually did my best not to make them pregnant when I did.
It had happened though and dammit, I was thrilled. I was resigned to using the impersonal, sterile method of having my child. When Brenna showed up as my surrogate, I couldn’t lie, doing it the old-fashioned way did cross my mind. I knew I couldn’t suggest something like that to her or make that assumption. We weren't in a relationship. If anything, she was working for me. It felt so good that the baby was ours, really ours. He or she had been conceived during an authentic moment of passion between us.
“We’ll use it next time,” I said. She glared at me.
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, let's use the subway. Whatever you want,” I said.
“Fuck you,” she said, looking away. I moved up the seat towards her. “What are you doing?” she said. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “Let go of me.” She struggled briefly against my hold, then I felt her go still. She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. This was the closest we had been since we were last in this very same limo, conceiving our baby. The thought made my heart beat faster. This couldn’t have come true in my wildest dreams. I was a fool if I did anything to ruin this, but I had to do something. I could see the future in front of us. Brenna, the baby and me. A real family.
“I didn’t think that it would happen this way,” she said, whispering.
“I know. I didn’t either.”
“I should have. I mean we did it, no protection or anything. That’s usually what happens. I can't be shocked now,” she said. I didn’t reply, just rubbed her arm with my hand.
“You’re not mad, are you?”
“Furthest thing from it. Are you mad?”
“No.”
I swallowed. “Are you angry? Do you regret it?”
“No, I’m just surprised,” she said.
“I was surprised too,” I said.
“No, you wanted to take my head off because you thought the baby was someone else’s.” She looked up at me.
“Look,” I said. I had to tell her. There was no better time to do it. “I know this wasn’t the way this was supposed to happen. We both had other plans but we’re here now and it has to have taken a miracle to get us to this place.”
“Me getting pregnant? No, it took unprotected sex during my ovulation window to get us to this place. That’s usually what it takes,” she deadpanned. I held back a laugh. I was trying to be sincere and she wasn’t letting me.