“That’s good,” I said. I was beyond relieved for Lucky. At the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to look at my lover and the young man he clearly had some kind of past with.
“He looks different,” Jake murmured. He was looking at Lucky and Cal who were still embracing. My fingers fisted on the handle of the bag of clothes.
“You know him?” I asked.
Jake nodded. “I met him briefly when Bennett brought a group of kids out from New York to get the ‘real wilderness’ experience. That’s how he and Xander got back together. Xander was leading the group.”
“And Cal?” I asked, trying to keep my voice neutral.
“He was a real thug,” Jake said. “Treated Lucky like shit,” he added. “No respect for anything, a bully toward most of the kids.” Jake sighed. “He wasn’t all bad, though. Bennett said Calvin was the reason he found out that Lucky’s foster home wasn’t safe. I guess something happened between him and Lucky too because Lucky was nursing a broken heart for quite a while after Cal left.”
I froze at that. “Lucky was only fifteen on that trip, wasn’t he?”
When my brother nodded, my stomach fell out. Lucky had told me he’d had his first kiss when he’d been fifteen. Which meant the person who’d likely given him that kiss was…
It was all I could do not to let out a howl of protest. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d come face to face with the person who had a piece of Lucky I’d never get to have. But to have had him right there in the truck next to me, to have him currently clinging to Lucky like he was never going to let him go…
“Zach,” Jake said, interrupting the dark thoughts I was currently having about Cal.
“What?” I snapped.
Jake eyed me as he asked, “You okay?”
I nodded. “Fine,” I bit out. “Here,” I added as I shoved the bag of clothes at him. I turned on my heel without another word. I’d managed to make it ten steps before Jake caught up to me. He grabbed my arm and bodily dragged me into what appeared to be a supply closet.
“What are you doing?” he snapped. It was so uncharacteristic of my brother to express his anger that I was completely caught off guard.
“Nothing,” I responded.
“Really, because it looks to me like you’re walking out of here without even letting him know you’re here.”
“What—”
“Save it, Zach. I’m not stupid. I saw the way you were holding him on the helipad after we got here. Are you going to try and tell me that you were just comforting one of your students?”
I ground my teeth together. “He’s practically family,” I said. “I was just—”
“No you weren’t,” Jake interjected. “Saying you look at Lucky like he’s family is like saying Oz and I share a bit of brotherly affection.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said even as heat crawled up the back of my neck.
“I saw you on that hilltop with him just before you went after Xander and the kid. I heard you on the radio! And then the helipad… how stupid do you think I am, Zach?”
“He’s an adult, Jake,” I growled as I crossed my arms.
Jake looked at me like I’d grown two heads. “That’s your response?” he asked in disbelief.
“Look, I know this makes it awkward for you and Xander—”
“I don’t give a shit about me or Xander or Bennett,” Jake spat. “I care about that young boy out there!” he added as he pointed toward the hallway. “That boy who’s had feelings for you from the day he met you. That boy who grew into a man and never once looked at you with anything other than stars in his eyes. That man who has spent the last hour watching the waiting room door like a hawk because he was waiting for you to get here.” Jake shook his head. “I thought it was just a crush those first few months, but I knew there was something there long before he was old enough to do anything about it.”
“I never touched him, Jake. In fact, I—” I began before snapping my mouth shut.
“You what?”
My skin felt tight and itchy as I looked around the small, dark room. It felt like the walls were starting to close in on me. The only thing keeping me sane was the dim bulb above our heads. “I tried to discourage him. He was eighteen, so he thought…” My voice dropped out as I remembered the Christmas party where Lucky had laid all his feelings out for me to see.
“Jesus,” Jake said as he shook his head. “You’re what happened to him when he was eighteen. He changed right after Christmas… and you re-enlisted a couple of weeks later.”