Long blonde hair.
Legs for days.
A rack the size of my head.
She was dressed in a tight skirt and bodysuit, emphasizing her perfect figure. I’d never felt more like a child than I did when he reached around her waist and kissed her. The truth of who he was staring me right in the face. With his lips still on her mouth, he locked eyes with me for a minute as though he felt my presence from across the crowded room.
Maybe he felt my pain.
I didn’t look at her at all, not for one second. However, I was the first to break our connection. If I didn’t, I would have blown up on him in front of everyone.
Our family.
My parents.
Christian.
The party went off without a hitch. Well into the night, there were still hundreds of people dancing, drinking, socializing. I tried to have fun, but my eyes kept wandering toward Julian and his date.
He was caressing her face.
Whispering things in her ear.
Kissing her lips.
Holding her close to him.
He was trying to prove a point, and I couldn’t fathom the reason for his actions, so I left. I went out into the woods behind our house, needing air, needing space, needing to break the fuck down.
“What an asshole!” I shouted into the forest, kicking a rock, except it wasn’t a rock. It was a stone rooted into the ground. “Ow!” My foot instantly started aching, and I fell to the dirt. “Great, now my dress is ruined too.” I took off my heel—the nail of my big toe had sliced in half, and blood was oozing off my skin.
“Shit, kid.”
His voice caught in the wind, and my furious glare met his concerned expression. “Get away from me.”
He stopped dead in his tracks.
“Go back inside to whatever girl you’re sleeping with tonight.”
“Do you think if she mattered to me, I’d be out here for you?”
Unable to resist, I sassed, “Two girls at once last week, huh? Must have been quite a night for you.”
He gripped onto the back of his neck, bowing his head.
“I can’t believe you brought a date to my birthday party after you stole my first kiss! Well, guess what? I want it back!”
“If I could, I would.”
Talk about a dagger to my heart.
“I had no business stealing that from you.”
His expression quickly turned desolate, and I lashed out, “I thought you said I was your number one girl? If you treat me like this, I can’t imagine how you treat all the other women you sleep with.”
With a neutral expression, he informed, “I don’t cuddle. They never spend the night. I fuck them, Autumn. It’s that plain and simple.”
I grabbed a rock and chucked it at his head, but he ducked. “You shameless bastard!”
“Keep your voice down.”
“Why? No one can hear me! Is the truth too hard for you to hear, Julian?”
He disregarded my outburst, crouching in front of me. “Let me help you. You’re bleeding.”
I pushed him, and since he wasn’t expecting it, he fell back onto the grass. Powerless to control my anger, I lunged at him. “You fucking asshole!” Hitting his chest with all the strength I could muster, I yelled out my frustration, “I hate you! I hate you!” I repeated, wanting it to become part of him as I slammed my fists into his torso.
“You’re right! I am a fucking asshole, and you need to stay away from me.”
“You’re the one who followed me out here! Just like you followed me out into the woods with Daniel! You’re the one who kissed me, remember?”
He knocked me senseless, professing, “How could I forget? It was the only kiss that has ever mattered to me.”
Chapter FOURTEEN
—Autumn—
Then
I hit him harder. “Stop playing games with me!”
All my sadness.
My anguish.
My love for him that wouldn’t go away.
My hate for him for pushing me away.
I saw all the girls he’d bring around. All the times he’d ignored me. Every time he didn’t look my way. I saw it all. With each blow, I felt a little more of myself die inside.
I went to hit him again, but he caught my wrist, so I tried with my other fist, and he caught that one too.
“Enough!”
“Fuck you!” I flung my body, whipping all around, desperately trying to break free from his strong hold.
On my wrists.
On my heart.
On my soul.
“How could you use me like that? I thought you cared about me! I thought I was different! Why would you kiss me if you were just going to screw me over like you do every girl you sleep with? Why?”
“For fuck’s sake!” He immediately flipped me over, getting on top of me, and holding my wrists above my head while the weight of his body held down my legs. “What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you I’m sorry, kid? Is that what you want?”