We never had a future.
We barely had a present.
After seeing the look in her eyes during the ceremony, I knew what she was envisioning, and it was the cold, hard reality I needed to witness in order to tell her it was over. The sneaking around and lying to her brother, to her family. The only family I’d ever known. They took me in when I didn’t have anyone, and this was how I repaid them.
By fucking over their daughter.
What kind of man was I?
I was hurting her in the worst possible ways, and I had to live with knowing I did that. My hands were firmly placed in the pockets of my slacks, resisting the urge to pull her into my arms and comfort her the only way I knew how.
The second I walked into the church this afternoon, I stopped dead in my tracks just to take her in. She was a vision in her lavender gown. Her red hair was down, framing her beautiful freckled face and her bright green eyes that I lost myself in night after night.
She looked breathtaking, smiling at everyone. Always the center of attention in any room without having to try. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It took everything inside me not to claim her right then and there. In front of her family, her friends, her brother…
My best friend.
There was no controlling the internal battle that surfaced in the forefront of my mind—it was such a wave of emotions.
It wasn’t fair.
None of this was fucking fair.
Especially to her.
When she suddenly caught my stare like she’d felt me from across the church, I didn’t look away. She was the first to break our connection, gazing at the ground instead of my eyes. Fully aware she couldn’t hide her feelings for me.
Her love.
It seared off of her, burning into my skin. Inflicting scars that would never heal—I wouldn’t let them. I didn’t know if she’d adverted her gaze for my benefit or hers, but I didn’t give it too much thought.
I shoved it away as I did with everything when it came to her. Out of respect for her overprotective brother, it was easier to pretend she was just my best friend’s little sister and not the woman who had the power to bring me to my knees if I’d let her.
Since she’d turned eighteen almost a year ago, there was no holding back anymore, and I indulged in the sweetest sin that was Autumn Troy. The little girl who used to follow me around with pigtails and her baby doll in her arms was long gone, and in her place stood an adult, a woman.
My feet moved of their own accord as I followed her out to the cove. We exchanged words that would eternally haunt me, only adding to the pile of endless secrets and betrayals I’d let happen to the family that raised me as if I was their own.
For a few seconds, I inhaled the sweet and enticing smell of Autumn. Remembering that the scent of her strawberry shampoo and coconut lotion still lingered on my pillow and sheets was the only comforting thing I had to go home to.
Stepping toward her, I swept the hair away from her face as a few tears slid down the sides of her cheeks. I wiped those away too. Her tears were the only thing I’d ever be worthy of. Our emotions were running wild, fighting a battle I knew I could never win.
The emotional turmoil ate away at me the closer I got to telling her this would be the last time she would see me. It would be the last time anyone in her family would see me. Including her brother.
I had to leave.
If I stayed, I’d make her mine, and I couldn’t do that to them. Not after everything they had done for me.
Gripping onto the back of her neck, I tugged her toward me, and she caught herself on my chest. Her lips were now mere inches away from my mouth.
Leaning in, I rasped, “I’m leaving town.”
Autumn’s doe eyes widened, and her breathing hitched. “Leaving?” She choked back a sob. “What do you mean leaving? Where are you going?”
“Away from you.”
She sucked in a breath. “Julian…” Softly, she pecked my lips, beckoning my mouth to open for her.
“But before I go…” I hesitated for a moment, wanting to remember the feel of her lips against mine. “I just need you to know.”
There was no coming back from this.
What I’d say next would break her heart. She’d hate me, but in the end, I did what I had to do.
Looking deep into her eyes, I viciously spewed, “You were nothing more than a fuck to me, kid.”
Those were the last words I’d ever said to her before I turned around and left her there.