On the left was an arch that dipped into the old kitchen. There was a nook with a small round table surrounded by four chairs, but my favorite part was the sunporch to the very back.
I made us each a cup of Earl Grey and eased out onto the screened porch that could have been mistaken for a greenhouse with the number of plants and shrubs I grew in there.
My daddy was already sitting on a rocker that overlooked the forest that hedged my backyard.
“Here you go, Daddy.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
I sat in the rocker next to him, sighing, letting go of the strain, the questions, and fell into the comfort.
I guessed I really did like the simple things.
Trent’s face flashed through my mind. Contrary to everything I’d ever imagined for my life. And still, I couldn’t shake it—this feeling that I wanted something I shouldn’t. Every night that I slipped into his club and pretended like he didn’t affect me made me want him that much more. Every day he picked up his son intensified the ache. Each time he looked at me like he was feeling exactly the same made me light up.
A fire burning bright where everything had gone dim.
But I knew better…knew he was everything that would scar me in the end.
I shook it off and turned my focus on my daddy since I could feel him peering my way.
“How are you, Eden?” he asked. Genuine and true.
“I’m fine,” I peeped, not so honest.
The creases deepened at the corner of his eyes. Slashes of concern. “You’ve seemed…distant lately. Tired.”
I took a sip of the steaming tea and fumbled through what to say. “I’m sorry. I’ve just…been worried. Wondering how we’re going to make it through this mess.”
He blew out a strained sigh. “The last thing I want is for you to worry about it, Eden. I’m going to figure it out. You just need to take care of your students, take care of you.”
I gazed across at him. “And who’s going to look out for you?”
He exhaled, devotion in the heavy sound. “You’re not supposed to take care of me, Eden. It’s the other way around.”
I reached out and touched his hand. “Aren’t we supposed to take care of each other? I told you I was going to help. That I’m trying to find solutions, too. You can’t ask me to ignore this.”
Sadness filled his expression. “You’ve already been through enough.”
My head shook as sorrow swam. “We both have, Daddy.”
My daddy swallowed, his throat bobbing as he gazed at me. “How’d we end up here? I never imagined it, Eden…the two of us alone.”
I could feel the loss of my momma radiating from him on a torrent of despair. Could feel his grief for me.
Losing Aaron had devastated me. Left a crater that throbbed.
But my daddy’s? My daddy’s was a chasm. An abyss. Bottomless and forever.
I’d thought mine was…
Guilt streaked. Clawing through my consciousness and cleaving through my spirit when a dark, destructive face flashed through my mind.
“I’m sorry that you lost Momma. That you lost Harmony after. Hate that you’re hurting so badly now.”
When Momma had died, Harmony had lost herself. I’d watched her tumble. Spiral. Lose hope.
The letter felt like ten-thousand pounds in my pocket. Sucking me down. Because I remembered before…before we’d lost it all.
“That’s what makes this so hard…fighting for the little we have left when I’d gladly trade it all for your sister if I were given the choice,” he admitted.
“Daddy.” It was a plea.
He squeezed my hand. “It’s true. I love those kids, I love the church, I love it all.” He gulped and his eyes swam with his truth. “But to have her back…I’d sacrifice anything for my family, Eden.”
Overwhelming love squeezed every cell in my body. This was exactly why I’d do anything for my father. Give it up. Sacrifice. Because of what he was willing to sacrifice for the rest of us. “I’m still digging into some things, Daddy. Trying to find a way to stave off the creditors.”
The shake of his head was grim. “I’m not sure we can support another loan, Eden.”
I swallowed down the confession, the way the words wanted to rise up and get free. “Just…give me a little time.”
“I need you not to worry, Eden. I’ll figure it out. Things always have a way of working themselves out. I have faith in that. That we’re not alone in the middle of it. I don’t want you to walk around with these burdens…I want you to live.”
“And I want that for you, too.”
His fingers threaded through mine. “The students are my joy, Eden. Our congregation. Helping those who walk through the doors. But the one thing I want? The one thing I pray I get to see before I die? That is to see you happy. Truly happy.” He reached up and brushed his thumb under my eye. “Without the sadness I see right here. One day, the one thing I want, is to see it go away. I want to see everything you’re missing fulfilled. Given to you a million times over.”