I didn’t realize at first how solemn he looked. I feel a ball of dread in my stomach. What’s happened? Has someone fallen ill? No, he would have opened with that. Has our registrar canceled or our venue burned down or something?
I stand back and let him enter, kicking the door closed behind him. Please don’t let him be getting cold feet.
“Mac, you’re scaring me. What’s happened?” I say.
He takes my hand and sits down on the edge of the bed, pulling me down beside him. He doesn’t release my hand. He pulls it into his lap and clutches it in both of his. He looks down at our joined hands for a moment before he begins to speak.
My stomach is rolling with nausea. Something really bad has happened. It must have for it to be taking this long for him to tell me. I can barely breathe as worst-case scenarios flow through my head. I tell myself that whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.
“We got the call, Zoe. I’m so sorry,” he says finally.
If that’s meant to clear things up for me, it absolutely doesn’t.
“What call?” I ask.
“The call for our team to come back to duty,” he says.
It finally becomes clear to me what he means. His special ops team has been called back to active duty.
“When?” I ask.
He looks at me with a pained expression.
“Tomorrow,” he replies.
“Tomorrow? But the wedding,” I say.
“We have to leave at four. The wedding is at three. We’ll have time for the ceremony and the photos,” he says.
“And then you’ll have to leave?” I say, not quite believing it.
He nods.
“Yes. You’ll have to go to the reception alone. God Zoe, I’m so sorry.”
He looks at me, and I can see the distress on his face. I squeeze his hand.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I understand.”
“I thought you’d be mad,” he says.
“No. I’m gutted obviously, but I’m not mad. You have a duty, and I knew when we got together this call could come at any time. I mean, I hoped it wouldn’t come, but I knew it could. It’s the worst timing though, isn’t it?”
He nods.
“How long will you be gone?” I ask.
It’s the first question that came to my mind when he told me he’d had the call, but I didn’t dare to ask it in case he said it would be for months, but I need to know. I have to know.
“I don’t have all of the details yet, but our squad leader thinks it’ll be a simple enough mission. He reckons ten days max. So I thought you could take Georgie to Hawaii with you if she’s up for it. Have yourself a week’s surfing. And then when you come home, by the time you get your stuff moved into my place, I’ll be home.”
I feel some of the tension leave me. The thought of going on my honeymoon without Mac kills me, but ten days isn’t so bad. It’s nothing like as bad as I imagined. I can cope for ten days.
All of the preparation for me to move into Mac’s place is already in place. The couple who will be renting my apartment have their move in date set a week after Mac and I were due to return from our honeymoon. I could easily move in within a week, even alone, and the moving will help to take my mind off Mac.
A thought hits me. One that sends a shiver of dread down my spine.
“The mission. Is it dangerous?” I ask.
He doesn’t reply.
“Mac, answer me,” I say.
“I don’t want you to worry, but I don’t want to lie to you either, Zoe. It could be,” he says. “But I swear I’ll be careful. I’m coming home to you, okay?”
I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world and I feel tears forming in my eyes and running down my cheeks before I can stop them.
“Oh Zoe, please don’t cry,” Mac says, but now I’ve started, I just can’t stop.
He reaches out and pulls me into his lap. He shuffles back on the bed and leans his back against the wall. He cradles me in his arms as I cling to him. I want to beg him not to go, not to leave me, but I can’t do that to him. It’s not like he has any choice.
I sniff loudly and make an effort to get myself back under control. I release Mac from my grip long enough to wipe my eyes, and then I wrap my arms around him again.
“However long it takes, I’ll be waiting for you,” I say.
He leans forward and kisses me.
“Knowing that is what will get me through it,” he says.
We sit holding each for a while, each of us lost in our thoughts.
“I should go,” Mac says eventually. “Let you get some sleep. We still have a wedding tomorrow.”