Unfortunately, most of my days were spent crying. I’d told Mom and Dad that I was working on my novel, but the opposite was true. My laptop remained untouched, the lid tightly shut on my tiny desk. In fact, I hadn’t even plugged it in, morose thoughts of Alpha Prime constantly with me every minute of every day.
And shamefully, after the guys abandoned me, I tried everything I could think of to reach them, but it had been all for naught. They’d changed their numbers, and Helena had disconnected my small work phone. It sat in the corner of my little studio, a dead reminder of everything that I lost when they left me.
Suddenly, a chime interrupted my thoughts.
Ding!
Oh right. The sound of the timer on my phone jolted me from my daze. With slow steps, I stumbled into the bathroom, my feet like wooden posts.
Time to see for sure instead of just wondering.
And there it was. On the counter, the white stick beckoned to me, the packaging laid out on the counter. I had never taken a pregnancy test before, but there was a first time for everything.
Because it’d taken me a while to realize. After months of eating my way through the sorrow—cupcakes and lasagna and ice cream—I finally realized I'd skipped a few periods. It wasn’t just one or two, either. Missing menstrual cycles due to stress wasn’t uncommon, but a significant period had gone by. I had gained a visible amount of weight, too, but I’d chalked that up to the constant snacking.
Plus, my cycle had never been regular. Yet it had been too long for my period not to come, at least five months this time. And curiously, the weight that I had put on wasn’t distributed evenly like it usually did when I gained. Instead of heavier arms, thighs, and abdomen, this time it all went to my stomach.
And tellingly, there’d been the morning sickness.
One morning at my parents’ house, I'd rushed out of the kitchen, the vomit rising up quickly from the smell of whisked eggs. The vomiting had been going on for a while, but Ethel didn’t know about it. When I came back, my mother looked down at my expanded belly and put a hand on my arm.
“You might want to take a pregnancy test, sweetheart,” she said gently. “I think your rock stars left you with more than a broken heart.”
I stumbled back from shock. “N-no. I don’t need to. Don’t say that.”
“Did you use protection with them?” she asked. Her usually merry brown eyes turned serious.
Even though she was the last person I usually got embarrassed in front of, my cheeks turned bright red.
“What do you mean?” I stammered. “Why would you even think that?”
Ethel smiled gently at me.
“Sweetheart, I’ve known you for almost twenty years now. I know when my daughter’s in love, and I know when she’s had her heart broken. It’s only natural, a pretty girl like you with three dominating rock stars. Now, have you thougth about taking a pregnancy test?”
I gasped. Ethel knew? Or she’d guessed? Oh god, this was another layer to the nightmare. I thought my mom believed that I was a virgin.
But give the fifty-year old woman credit, because she’s more perceptive than she appears. So I nodded, swallowing heavily with pain.
“Okay, I will,” was my whisper, barely audible over the scrambling eggs. “Will do.”
“Good,” Ethel said, turning back to the pancake mix. “Do that first, and then we’ll discuss next steps, sweetheart.”
But even as I moved about the kitchen helping my mom, my thoughts wouldn’t stop. I cursed myself internally, feeling so stupid. Helena had sent me birth control, but remembering to take it was not my forte. I would often look at the sleeve of pills and realize that I missed two or three days by accident, and hurriedly rush to pop one in my mouth. But was that enough? It didn’t seem so.
Reading my mind, Ethel spoke gently again.
“It's okay, my Katy. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together. You know your father and I will always be here for you.”
She was half-right. Dad would have a heart attack and demand the name of the boy who’d knocked me up. No way could I ever tell him it was three grown men who were responsible. The details were too sordid and obscene, Bernard would pass out from the truth.
&nbs
p; But my mom was understanding.
“No matter what, Katy,” Ethel reassured me again with a long hug. “We’re here for you.”
So a day later, I bought the pregnancy test.