ords feel like a taunt? A challenge? This is bad, but I can’t worry about it now.
My Uber driver finally arrives and carries me home, where I stumble inside, feeling more drunk than I’ve ever been from the effects of alcohol. I throw my phone on the couch along with my backpack then go into my room and strip down to my underwear. I normally shower when I get home from work, but not this time. Sleep. Sleep is all I need.
It’s only when I’m falling asleep that I feel a nagging thought…almost like I’m forgetting something…something I was supposed to do today. But no matter how hard I try to wake up enough to remember it, sleep overpowers me, and I give in.
A few hours later, I wake up with a jolt. I sit up ramrod straight in bed as I suddenly recall what I was supposed to do today. “Jessie!” I hiss through my teeth like an expletive.
I hop out of bed and go straight into the living room, where I find my phone on the couch along with fifteen missed calls from the woman herself. Dammit. I’m in so much trouble. I was supposed to go over to her house at nine o’clock this morning and pretend to be her fiancé in front of her grandaddy. It was a ridiculous idea, and likely the reason my subconscious concocted the same stupid scheme when talking to Susan.
When my sister called late last night and asked me if I’d do it, I said yes. Probably because I was really distracted with all the humans I was in the middle of bringing into the world, and also because Jessie and I got off on the wrong foot (and every foot since). She hates me, and I saw this as a good opportunity to bury the hatchet between us and start over. I’m willing to forgive her if she’s willing to forgive me—and that’s saying a lot considering how she treated me the first time we met.
Our initial encounter was when I got home from a long shift at the hospital to find her pacing like a feral animal in my driveway, ready to pounce the moment I opened my door. I had been avoiding Lucy and Cooper after they decided to date even though I asked them not to. I didn’t handle their new relationship well at all, basically giving them the cold shoulder for three weeks. Since I had been ignoring their phone calls and holing up at the hospital, I didn’t realize my nephew had gone in for emergency surgery to have his appendix removed. Don’t worry, Jessie came over and informed me. Very loudly. Very angrily. She also tossed a pack of diapers into my arms and said if I was going to act like a baby, I might as well dress like one. The forethought she had to put into that insult was astounding.
I’d never met the woman before, and she was up in my face, pregnant belly practically pressing against me as she very thoroughly explained exactly how I should get my head out of my ass, stop acting like a chauvinistic dirtbag, and go show up for my sister. So you can see how it was pretty easy for me to dislike her from the get-go, and every other interaction between us has looked pretty much the same. The last time I saw her, she was eating an entire bowl full of pickles. Like thirty pickles! As a medical professional who happens to specialize in maternal care, I advised her to be careful of her sodium intake. She showed me her favorite finger as a response.
We are mortal enemies now, and I had a chance to end that, but instead, I’ve made it worse.
For all of thirty seconds, I feel terrible. I let Jessie down in a big way, and I wish I could fix it. But then, I read the last text message she sent me, and I decide maybe I don’t want to bury that damn hatchet after all.
Jessie: I hope you know that you are scum. I would rather walk around with dog poop clinging to the bottom of my shoe than have to look at your ugly face one more time. You want a war, Andrew? You got one.
“I’m so sorry Levi woke you up at five again this morning.” Lucy is sitting across from me at the breakfast table as we both nurse our coffees.
I moved in with Lucy last week after my pipe-bursting fiasco. I had to shut off my water, but I really thought it would be one of those situations where I’d just pile on the dry shampoo until they could repair the pipe. I thought wrong. Once the repairman went under my house, he found that not only do I have old pipes, I also have black mold due to said old pipes leaking for an extended period of time. Isn’t that wonderful? So much fun.
Thankfully, Lucy and Cooper were sweet enough to let me move into their guest bedroom for as long as I need (which, according to Bob the Builder, will be approximately three weeks). That would have been fine—if Levi didn’t take it upon himself to become my human alarm clock, specifically one that wakes me up three hours earlier than needed every day.
“It’s fine! Don’t worry about it,” I tell Lucy, hoping I sound genuine.
She can see right through me. “No, it’s not. You’re miserable.”
“Well…only because I still have insomnia at night, so mornings are really the only time I sleep well. But that’s okay!” See? I can be nice even though I feel like Ursula under this sunny smile. Because the truth is, I love Levi to pieces. That said, if he wakes me up one more time, his favorite teddy bear might go missing.
“It’s not just Levi, though. I know the hot water has run out twice now while you’ve been in the shower.”
I wave a dismissive hand like pssshhhh. “Cold showers are all the rage, and it’s not anyone’s fault that this house has a small hot water tank.”
“And you have to watch TV every night with me and Cooper. I know it’s driving you nuts not having a place of your own.”
I set my coffee mug down. “Are you trying to convince me I’m miserable here? Because I’ll give it to you—you’re making some headway.”
She grins. “Yes. I am.”
My shoulders slump. “Oh. Do you want me to leave? Lucy, I’m so sorry! I should have thought about how inconvenient it would be for you and—”
“Oh my gosh, I’m going to slap you if you keep talking! No, you’re not an inconvenience! I love having you here. But I also know living with another family while you’re in your last trimester is probably really annoying.”
“I don’t have any other options. I can’t afford to rent anything on top of paying my mortgage and saving for this baby’s birth.” To say I’m scraping my nickels together would be an understatement. I’m not only scraping, I’m diving under couch cushions and searching grocery store parking lots with a magnifying glass, and never once have I turned up my nose at a penny.
“Actually…I can think of somewhere you can stay for free.” The mischievous glint in her eye makes me frown deeply, because instinctively, I know who she’s referring to.
“No. Never. Not his house.”
“But Drew has a spare room! And he’s great with roommates because he’s always had one.”
I stand up from my chair. “And he’s evil and unbearable to be around. So no. Absolutely not. I’m done with him, and you know this.” I wish she would give up trying to force Drew and me to like each other. It’s not going to happen. I won’t let it.
As I’m walking out of the kitchen, Lucy yells, “But Drew is hardly ever home! You probably won’t even see him. You’ll have a house practically all to yourself.”