“Got it,” I say with a firm nod and start ticking things off on my fingers like it’s no big deal. “New bra. New PJs. And probably a new toothbrush because I’m guessing you don’t like that princess one I bought you last time?”
She smiles, and I feel like I can sigh with relief. And then she looks at my bare chest, and she scrunches her nose. “And a new shirt for your date.”
“Perfect. Meet me downstairs in five minutes.”
I go back to my closet, throw on a plain white tee that’s good enough for shopping and dropping her off at her friend’s house, and then hustle downstairs. Sam and Daisy are already waiting for me when I reach the bottom floor. It’s then that I notice something in Sam’s eyes that I saw in my own the last time I looked in the mirror.
We look at each other for a long minute, both of us heavy with emotion. We are moving on with our lives, not letting the obstacles of this year hold us back.
I pull her in for a hug, and she doesn’t resist. “It’s okay. I’m a little scared too, kiddo.”
“You are?” she asks, sounding relieved.
“Yep. But we’re both going to do great. The first steps into change are always the hardest.”
She pulls out of my hug and picks up Daisy’s leash. “I wish Evie could help me pick out my new bra. I don’t really know what to get, and I’m guessing you don’t either.”
Should I be worried that she’s wishing for Evie right now and not her own mom? I probably would be if I didn’t completely get it. Natalie basically abandoned her. It’s hard to want someone who doesn’t seem to want you back. Evie, however, has been more invested in Sam’s life over the past several weeks than Natalie has all year.
I would love to be able to call Evie right now and beg her to go with me and Sam to pick out a bra. I bet she would be perfect in that role. I’ve no doubts that she would make Sam feel special and grown-up without making it awkward like I probably will. But Evie and I haven’t even been on a real date yet. I can’t call her.
I can feel myself trying to sprint. Slow down. Turtle speed, remember?
But maybe I can at least text her when we get there about tween bra sizes. Would she think that’s weird?
EVIE: OMG. I loved my first bra. Get her a white one and a gray one so she has something to wear with both a light and dark outfit. Size: Small. No underwire and nothing with the words “push up” unless you want to have a heart attack. And whatever you do, get in and get out as quickly as possible without saying anything remotely close to “My baby girl is growing up so fast.”
So…I guess she doesn’t find it weird. And now I look like a major perv, standing in the girls’ bra aisle, smiling like a lunatic.
I drop Sam off at Jenna's house with a backpack filled to the brim with turquoise-and-white PJs that have some kind of sequined koala face on the front of the shirt and the words “Don’t wake me until noon” on the back. She talked me into not only a white and a gray training bra, but also a pink.
All in all, I think I’ve kinda crushed the single-dad thing today.
When we pull up in front of Jenna’s house, Sam tells me I can stay put in the truck. I suggest dropping her off a block away so she can walk back—that way, no one will even need to know that she has a dad. And she just replies with a simple, “Not this time,” like it wasn’t even a joke and she was really contemplating it.
She’s in for a treat if she thinks, for one second, that I won’t be sitting a row behind her at the movies on her first date.
Sam jumps out of my truck with Daisy in tow and her bag strapped on her back. She darts toward the house with one of her friends that has also just told her parents to keep the car running and drive off as soon as her feet hit the grass. But my kid—the good one—pauses and looks back at me. She comes sprinting back and jumps up onto the running boards of my truck to kiss my cheek through the open window. “Love you, Daddy.”
“Love you too, Sam. Have fun. Call me if...” I let the statement dangle because, somehow, I’m afraid that if I say the words out loud, I’ll be responsible for a seizure if she has one.
She smiles and nods. “I will.”
And then my little girl goes into her friend’s house for her first ever slumber party. My heart squeezes painfully, and I’m glad now more than ever that I had the forethought to plan a date to distract me tonight.
I put the truck in drive, and I’m headed home to get ready for my date with Evie when my phone buzzes with an incoming text. A text that makes my stomach plummet to the ground.
NATALIE: Headed back from Hawaii soon. Thinking of coming to visit when I get back. Hug Samantha for me. <3
Chapter Twenty-Two
EVIE
Jake asked if I wanted him to come pick me up for our date, but I thought that would be silly for him to come all the way over to my place and get me, only to drive right back to his house. We went three rounds until he gave up and let me call an Uber. But he was adamant that he was going to pay for it.
Now, I’m very aware that society would tell me to stand up for myself and own my female empowerment by showing him that I can take care of myself monetarily. But since I’m broke, I’ve decided that there’s room enough for me to feel empowered and also let Jake feel like a hero. It’s a give and take.
He’s giving me his money, and I’m taking it.