“I think I just died.” I close my eyes with a stupid smile on my face.
“Hmm.” The evil hussy slides up and down on my cock, laughing. “You’re dead and still hard? Why am I not surprised?”
I pull her against me and bury my face in her neck. “You smell like the sweetest incentive.”
“Incentive?”
“Incentive to die with you in my arms.”
She releases a soft sated breath and goes limp against me, twining our legs and tangling her fingers in my hair. I’m overcome with the need to hold her closer, to watch over her and guard her from anything or anyone who might cause her harm. It makes me feel vulnerable and…scared. Through utter ignorance, I failed in protecting the students in my school. What if I fail her, too?
The rapid rhythm of our breaths eases into contented silence. She lies so still and lethargic on top of me, I wonder if she’s awake. Long moments pass before her fingers twitch and lift to trace the line of my jaw.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.” She skims her hand down my throat and flattens her palm over my heart. “About my past relationships. And my current one.”
“I’m listening.” I pull the blanket off the back of the couch, wrap it around us, and press my lips against her head.
She snuggles closer against my neck. “My experience with the people I’m closest to has made me question what it means to be intimate. And to be in love. I blame myself for the neglect, the betrayal, and abuse—”
“That’s unacceptable. You’re not—”
“I’m not defending their actions. Let me finish.” She flexes and loosens her hand on my chest. “My parents loved me, but they never gave up anything for that love. I thought I loved Trey and Blake and even Reese…”
I tense beneath her. “Reese?”
“I do love him, Decker. As a friend. I never definitively understood why he and I couldn’t be more than friends until you enlightened me about his submissive nature. We could’ve worked through that, but we didn’t. We didn’t even try. He would’ve never given up his need to…”
“Be fucked in the ass?”
“We really need to work on your refinement.” She laughs. “But yes, his need to be a bottom, and I was unwilling to understand his needs. None of my relationships have followed the law of sacrifice, and that’s where I screwed up. I’ve been so consumed by the idea of someone loving me that I was willing to settle on any one who flashed me a doting smile. I overlooked flaws, shady behavior, adultery…terrible things. What I should’ve done all along was look internally. I should’ve asked myself, What will you give up for this man? Had I done that with Trey or Blake, the answer would’ve been Nothing. I wouldn’t have sacrificed a thing for them because deep down, I knew they were wrong for me.”
One could argue she sacrificed the flawless skin on her back for the son of a bitch who stabbed her, but that’s not what she means. She didn’t willingly let him hurt her.
The self-centered part of me is more focused on how this conversation applies to her and me. I know she’s asking herself what she’d give up for me. And it goes both ways. Does she want me to walk away from my pursuit to start up a new school? Something else?
“You’re quiet,” she whispers against my neck.
“What do you mean by the law of sacrifice?”
“The best way to gauge how much you love someone is by how much you’re willing to sacrifice for them. I’m not talking about dramatic gestures, like giving up your career or taking a bullet. It’s the little things, forfeiting tiny parts of yourself that have lesser value than the thing you’re trying to attain.”
“What are you trying to attain?”
“Love.” She lifts her head, peering up at me. “Am I freaking you out?”
“A little. Only because I’m a guy, and you’re speaking a language I’ve never understood.”
She moves to lie on the center of my body, chest to chest with her elbows propped on my shoulders. “I want you to stay. Not because we renewed the agreement. Not because you need income and investors and a celebrity girlfriend. I want you to stay for the right reasons, and I don’t want to fuck this up. I’ve never been willing to fully surrender myself to anyone, but when I’m with you, I want to relinquish my fears, my defenses, my rules and hard limits out of devotion. And trust. I want you to stay because your heart is enriched by sacrifice.”
Her words fill me with a feeling of breathlessness that radiates through my chest. “What have I sacrificed?”
“You could’ve kept the money you made in your business, could’ve reinvested it in another venture.” She searches my face, her eyes bright and clear. “You gave up your livelihood for those kids. You gave up everything. And that makes me want to be a better person. I want to make sacrifices. For you.”