As much as Mum had driven me crazy over the past couple of weeks, I hated that we weren’t talking. We never stopped talking for longer than a few hours when we argued. Usually, she turned up at my place and acted like nothing had happened. And if she didn’t, I made the effort to bring us back together. But this time, neither of us had waved the white flag.
I opened the car door. “Okay, wish me luck, Brynny. I think I’m gonna need it this time.”
Mum came to the door almost as fast as I knocked. “Lily,” she said, her tone a little short. A lot hurt.
“Mum.”
She didn’t move to let me in, and I wondered if maybe this time it might take us a little longer to find our way back to each other.
“Can I come in?” I asked, noting her closed-off body language. A rush of fear sliced through me at the thought of my mother saying no to me.
You only get one mother, Lily.
She might send you to drink sometimes, but you. Only. Get. One. Mother.
“Please,” I added, my voice wavering.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to speak to you yet.” The hurt she felt blazed to life and regret overwhelmed me.
I placed a hand on her arm. “Mum, I’m sorry I was awful to you. It’s no excuse, but I’ve been feeling really out of my depth with everything lately, and when you try to take over like you did, it just messes with my head. I should have been more patient.”
“Yes, you should have. I was only trying to help you, which is all I ever try to do for you and Brynn. And then King…. Well, he’s a whole other story with the way he behaves. I’ll be having a word with him about all this, too.”
I exhaled the breath I’d been holding.
We’re going to be all right.
She frowned. “What do you mean when you say you felt out of your depth?”
“Can we go inside to talk?”
Peering around me, she said, “Go and get your sister out of the car. I just put the kettle on. We need tea for this. And for goodness’ sake, darling, we need to do something about those eyebrows of yours. You can’t get married with all those eyebrows.”
I managed to keep my laughter on the inside. Hannah Bennett would never change, but I could definitely try harder to not lose my shit at her so often. I’d never felt the fear of losing her like I just had. She might be difficult and overbearing, but I couldn’t imagine a life without her. One day, I’d have to, but until then, I would love her in spite of her flaws. God knew she loved me in spite of mine.
Ten minutes later, the three of us sat around her table with mugs of tea, and she asked me again, “Why have you felt out of your depth, darling?”
I took a long sip of tea before placing my mug down. “I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage and divorce, and how hard relationships are. And I was worried that King and I maybe clash too much to be able to make a successful marriage. I just wasn’t sure if I had it in me to deal with his brand of getting shit done.”
I expected Mum to dismiss my concerns like she usually did with her way of burying her head in the sand, but she surprised me by listening intently and then saying, “When I got married, my mother gave me some advice, and while my marriage was not a good one, her advice helped me a lot, so I’m going to share it with you.” She paused before adding, “I think you’re going to need it to survive living with King.”
Brynn almost spat her tea. “I think that might be the truest thing you’ve ever said, Mum.”
I knew by the seriousness of Mum’s expression that whatever she was about to tell me, she fully believed was advice I needed. “When you argue, there isn’t a winner or a loser. You are partners so you either win together or you lose together. You need to work for a solution, nothing else.”
Mum had my complete attention with that. Brynn’s too. I felt every word she’d said so far because I knew I hadn’t always approached my first marriage in the best ways. I’d allowed petty arguments to grow into more than they should have, and I was determined not to make the same mistakes with King.
“Also,” Mum continued, “marriage isn’t 50-50. It’s 100-100. Give everything you have, all of the time. You don’t wait until things become problematic to give your all. And lastly, when you have a problem with King that you want to talk to him about, don’t start a sentence with the word ‘you,’ always begin with ‘I.’ Don’t tell him your thoughts, share your feelings.”
Brynn stared at our mother like she’d grown another head. I stared at her like she held all the secrets to life and had been keeping them to herself.
I leaned over and threw my arms around her, love engulfing me. After hugging her for the longest time, I pulled away and said, “Thank you.”
She smiled and cupped my cheek. “I only want you girls to be happy. That’s all.”
“I know,” I said softly as I wiped tears from my eyes. “God, I’ve become an emotional wreck this week. It’s ridiculous.”
Mum narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re not pregnant are you darling?”